It's A Buyer's Market For Haunted Lighthouses

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - For sale: $1 property surrounded by Long Island Sound off the coast of Fairfield. Must be able to cope with possible haunting.

The U.S. General Services Administration is seeking a buyer for the Penfield Lighthouse, built in 1874 about 1.1 miles from Fairfield Beach. It is said to be the site of strange occurrences following the drowning of lighthouse keeper Frederick Jordan in 1916.

The agency is offering the lighthouse for $1 in “as is” condition to local, state or federal government agencies or nonprofit organizations. Those interested will have to submit an application identifying their proposed uses of the lighthouse, besides that of a navigational beacon, and how they will pay for that use and maintenance.

Fairfield First Selectman Kenneth Flatto said the town is very interested in acquiring the property, which is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

The 51-foot-tall lighthouse sits on a concrete foundation surrounded by rocks. It is attached to a two-story keeper’s residence.

According to legend, Jordan drowned in December 1916 when his boat capsized near the lighthouse and appeared as a ghost two weeks later to his assistant, Rudolph Iten, the Connecticut Post reported yesterday.

Iten took over for Jordan after his death. In his log, Iten wrote that Jordan’s apparition glided down the tower’s stairs and disappeared into darkness. Iten then found the keeper’s log opened to the page that documented Jordan’s death, the Post reported.

(from bostonherald.com)

Color Me Surprised

So I watched The Devil Wears Prada on HBO today and I actually really enjoyed it. I couldn't care less about the world of fashion, but this worked for me. Go figure.

The Absolute Worst

I just have to say that I have found no greater source of frustration in life than in dealing with the people of Time Warner Cable. I loathe that company with every fiber of my being.

My 2nd Emo Post

I saw this on a t-shirt today and it made me laugh.

College Professors, Take Note

Ron Hammond, Phd, professor at Utah Valley State College, has quit using textbooks in his classes. Why? They're too expensive.

The cost of textbooks is rising faster than inflation and Hammond doesn't feel right forcing his students to purchase ever more expensive books on top of their already expensive tuition and fees.

"I think it's immoral because of the cost of it," Hammond told the Central Utah Daily Herald.

Instead of textbooks, Hammond has been assigning journal articles and other reading materials that his students can check out from the library or download from the internet, a practice which, if every one of their professors did it, would save students (on average) $900 a year.

It took Hammond a year to rewrite his own curriculum, after throwing out all his old textbooks. "It was worth it in the long run," Hammond said.

(from The Consumerist)

Number 15 Should Be Higher On The List

Here are the Top 25 Greatest Simpsons Quotes according to Blogzarro.com:

1. Homer: D’oh.
2. Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
3. Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
4. Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
5. Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
6. Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
7. Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
8. Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
9. Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.
10. Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
11. Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
12. Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
13. Nelson: Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
14. Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
15. Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
16. Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
17. Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
18. Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
19. Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
20. Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
21. Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
22. Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
23. Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
24. Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
25. Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Bush Vs. PBS

The House on Wednesday evening overwhelmingly rejected President Bush's plan to eliminate the $420 million federal subsidy for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

The 357-72 vote demonstrated the enduring political strength of public broadcasting. The outcome was never in doubt, unlike a fight two years ago when Republicans tried but failed to slash public broadcasting subsidies.

The move to kill subsidies for the CPB, which make up about 15 percent of its budget, was launched by Rep. Doug Lamborn, R-Colorado.

"Taxpayers are being asked to pay more in taxes because Congress is not willing to make hard choices and balance our spending with our income," Lamborn said.
Congress created the corporation in 1967 to shield public broadcasting from political influence. The CPB distributes federal subsidies to PBS, National Public Radio and hundreds of public radio and television stations.

"It is providing a voice for America, a noncommercial, independent voice that is sadly lacking. It isn't available any place else in the million channels on our cable networks," said Rep. Earl Blumenauer, D-Oregon.

(from cnn.com)

Blogger's Note: It's nice to see some measure of sanity coming out of Washington.

I Need This Controversy Settled As Only Democracy Can

Final Results (7/26/07):

What color socks should be worn with khakis and black shoes?

Tan - 11%
Black - 56%
White - 11%
Grey - 22%

Thanks to all who provided feedback!

Telling It Like It is

(from wired.com)

It's hard to believe, but every so often the developers at E3 forget that they're talking to a room full of journalists and they say something that they probably shouldn't.

A developer was demonstrating her team's multiplatform game for myself and two other journalists, both of whom happened to have been from Xbox-specific outlets. She jokingly asked if it was ok that we were going to see the Wii version, and the two guys chucklingly assured her that yeah, that was fine.

Picking up the controls, she began sorting through the debug menu to get to the bit of the game that she actually wanted to show us, making idle chitchat as she did so.

"Of course this will be on the 360, too. We love the 360. Hoo, we love it." Pause as she waited for the demo to load. "We love the Wii, too, it's a lot of fun. Playstation, pfffffffft. Gah." One of the Xbox guys laughs at that and she goes on to say how hard it is to "get anything to run on that box."

A Notice For All You Pack Rats

If you happen to have an Osama Bin Laden stashed away somewhere, the US Senate just voted 87-1 in favor of doubling the reward for his death or capture to $50 million.

A Unique Hidden Gusset, You Say? I'll Take Two!

Get a load of that behind! He's all man, that's for sure.

The Circus Is In Town

What happens when the tallest man in the world meets the shortest? You get a really creepy picture like the one found below.

Here we see Mr. Xishun, sporting his Dorothy Zbornak look, shaking hands with Mr. Ping Ping, who is understandably feeling a tad overdressed.

How The Mighty Have Fallen

(the following is an excerpt from TV Critic Ian Jones' article "Rise And Fall Of A Comic Genius" which was originally published in The Guardian.)

Once, it was the greatest show on TV. Every episode was brimming with imagination, excitement and some of the sharpest one-liners to come out of America for decades. But above all it was smart: The Simpsons knew how to parry crudity with intelligence blow for blow. Bart's big-haired nemesis Sideshow Bob stepping on a rake nine times would be followed up with a surreal two-minute performance of HMS Pinafore. Homer lobbing a lookalike of himself over a waterfall would be followed by a reference to Walt Whitman's collection of poems, Leaves and Grass. This was dizzyingly intelligent, daring, exhilarating stuff. For every burp gag came an arch pop-culture reference. For every time Homer fell down the stairs or Bart got strangled, we had a nifty TV parody or sly political dig.

And it kept on coming, week after week. An entire generation didn't understand it. George Bush senior, then US president, even wished aloud that American families could be more like the Waltons than the Simpsons. A massive rift opened up between those who "got" The Simpsons and those who hated it. You chose your side carefully. To be a Simpsons fan was truly one of the most privileged things in the world.

Then it all changed. A new guard took over and ripped up the rules. Veterans of the show with pedigrees on venerated US comedy institutions like Saturday Night Live and The Tonight Show - Jon Vitti, George Meyer, John Schwartzwelder - either departed or went part-time. In came writers who had cut their teeth on sappy teen comedies like Blossom and unsophisticated knockabouts like Beavis and Butt-Head. A looser, lazier sensibility took hold, given free rein by new executive producer Mike Scully. And the show became stupid.

You can even put a date on it: 1997, in the early episodes of the ninth series, where the head of Bart's school, Principal Skinner, was suddenly, arbitrarily revealed to be an impostor, and his entire life to date had been a lie. Come again? A major character in a long-running series gets unmasked as a fraud? It was cheap, idle storytelling.

This was just the start. The show went on to jettison all interest in pretending to have earthy, avuncular roots: the warm, good-natured centre that, when you scraped away the multi-layered jokes and cerebral grandstanding, had been there from day one was obliterated. No longer did we see the family bonding, caring for each other, showing emotion. Instead, it was anything goes.

Plots swung sickeningly from one cliche to another. Jokes arrived out of the blue for no reason. No attempt was made to cling to reality. Now Homer would end up in new employment six or seven times a series. To date, he's held 118 (and counting) jobs, from missionary to garbage commissioner to grease salesman to fortune cookie writer, which wouldn't be such a damning statistic had almost none of them been particularly funny.

True, a long-running series has to evolve. Nobody would expect Simpsons episodes to still be solely about Lisa getting a pony or Bart failing a school exam. But, in the second decade of its life, The Simpsons evolved into a dreadfully predictable monster. With each new series came the same questions. Which foreign country will the family just happen to end up visiting this time? Which pop star will the family just happen to encounter while there? And what unsubtle bit of physical violence will Homer be subjected to en route? Contract leprosy, perhaps; get raped by a panda; or maybe get his head trapped between two halves of a lowering drawbridge?

This was change all right, but change as an excuse for idiocy. It was desperately disheartening for those who cherished and loved the show's early years. Watching Homer hold forth on the topless women he'd seen on holiday in Florida, or Marge accidentally getting breast implants, you wanted everything to be revealed as a huge wind-up, or a cunning satire on trashy TV. But there was no hidden agenda. What you saw was what you got: a base, repetitive, unfunny cartoon.

Blogger's Note: This guy really hit the nail on the head. I've said for years that The Simpsons stopped being good around season 10. It's a real bummer when a show is dragged on for too long instead of finishing on a high, with dignity.

I Really Like Chicken Salad

Quote of the day once again belongs to Jeremy...

"I'm quick to assume the worst when it comes to people's use of mayo. It's my one and only fault."

-Jeremy Snell

Smut For Smut

(from xbiz)

A group of atheists at the University of Texas at San Antonio is putting a novel twist on the toys-for-guns programs run by many urban police departments. But instead of toys, they are handing out porn in exchange for bibles.

“We consider the bible to be a very negative force in the history of the world,” student Ryan Walker said. Walker is part of a student group that calls itself the Atheist Agenda.

Club members this week posted fliers promoting what they call the “Smut for Smut” campaign then set up a table in the student union to collect religious materials and pass out adult magazines such as Black Label and Playboy.

The group is not officially sanctioned by the university and has raised the ire of several religious organizations on campus.

“In my opinion, there are no atheists. There are fools,” Pastor Rick Hawkins of UTSA’s Family Praise Center said. “So, that would be foolish propaganda. I don't know one believer that would take his Bible and turn it in for pornography.”

Hawkins obviously didn’t stop by the Atheist Agenda table, where several students had dropped off copies of the good book and walked away with skin mags.

Athiest Agenda isn’t the first student group to explore the idea of introducing porn to former bible toters. Members say they got the idea from students in Austin who ran a similar pro-porn drive.

Walker added that members thought it sounded like a creative way to exercise their freedom of speech.

(Special thanks to Bryan for sharing the link)

They May Take Our Lives, But They'll Never Take Our Allspark!

Here's another quote of the day winner:


Regarding the Transformers movie...

"I wanted it to be Braveheart starring Optimus Prime."

-Chris Brewer

Fun With Post-Its

If a friend of yours ever purchases a $60,000 Jaguar, this would be a great prank to pull on them.

Transformers Review

HIGHS

• I went into this movie with one expectation: to see giant robots tear shit up. And that expectation was most definitely fulfilled.
• Unlike the Star Wars prequels, the Transformers movie was not a bastardization of my childhood. I would say they did a pretty admirable job or transferring the material to a live action, real-world format. What would sound pretty hokey on paper, was made to seem as credible as possible on film.
• Pound for pound, probably the best special effects ever seen in a film. You will believe the robots are real. Exceptional work across the board.
• The movie had a good sense of humor about it. A tad hokey at times, but never too much so. For the most part the jokes really worked and the dialogue wasn't painful. A relatively consistent tone was maintained, even when things got crazy.
• As far as summer action movies go, Transformers makes Spider-man 3 look like amateur hour at The Apollo.
• I distinctly remember a point in the movie where the action was so intense that I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. That's gotta count for something.
• I read a quote from Spielberg the other day saying that Transformers was "a movie Michael Bay was born to direct." I guess he was probably right about that.
  

LOWS

• This IS a Michael Bay movie, so the script isn't perfect. There were a lot of plot points that could have been flushed out better. If the quality of the story were on par with the action scenes, this would be some cinematic gold.
• The majority of the Decepticons were introduced fairly late in the film and seemed kind of rushed. I didn't feel that the notion of a "war between Autobots and Decepticons" was ever fully realized. Felt more like a localized threat, rather than a global one.
• What is Michael Bay's fascination with flares?
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: It took approximately 38 hours for the animators at Industrial Light & Magic to render one frame of the CGI animation to portray the Transformers. This breaks the record set by Weta Workshop for The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), where it took 20 hours to animate a frame of CGI to portray the Ent, Treebeard.

Important Question

What would happen if you put actress Minnie Driver into a Mini Cooper S? Would the universe implode if Minnie Driver became a Mini driver? Has anyone dared to test this theory? Is this my most frivolous blog entry yet?

Five Lessons Learned From Watching Die Hard

5) It Is Impossible To Get Fired From The Police Force
NYPD, LAPD, it doesn't matter. We haven't worked out the exact science on this, but there is definitely a direct correlation between throwing Hans Gruber off a building and total immunity. Seriously, you cannot blow up enough buildings, crash enough cars or drink enough booze to ever get fired.

Lesson learned: As we understand it, joining the police force means we can ignore the orders of our superiors and kill whomever the hell we want every single Christmas and no one will care. Taking out maybe one or two terrorists a year evidently gives us the total freedom to wreck boats, drive cars through helicopters and generally avoid doing any actual police work.

Honestly, in Live Free or Die Hard, an on-duty John McClane just hung around Rutgers terrorizing his daughter's boyfriend for about 20 minutes. Why was he doing that instead of protecting innocent people from deranged stalkers? Shut the fuck up, that's why.

4) Every Single German Is A Dick
Go ahead and take a random sample. Pick any one of the German characters who have appeared in a Die Hard film. Really, close your eyes and pick any goddamn one: We guarantee you that he (or she) is a total bastard. And, we're not just looking at one movie: We've got four movies here that span about two decades. That is more than enough evidence. Ten out of 10 German guys that have gotten in McClane's way have been total dicks. It naturally follows that 10 out of 10 German people in the real world are to be mistrusted and shot on sight. Go ahead and try to argue with math, we dare you.

Bonus: With the addition of a handful of evil French bastards in Live Free or Die Hard, just to be safe, we might as well change the category to include all foreigners in general.

3) Black People Can't Wait To Help You
Whether you're murdering a guy for holding your wife hostage or simply murdering that same guy's brother for no good reason, there will undoubtedly be a zany black stereotype who just can't wait to help you. If you're driving around Harlem and you need directions or a light, well you're screwed. But if you need someone to follow you around all day and help you blow up terrorists, there will be a line of eager, wacky black folks who want nothing more than to quit their jobs and help you while pointing out the subtle differences between black and white people.

Note: If you completely run out of black people, Justin Long is just as talkative and quirky, though significantly less zany.

2) A Well-Timed "Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker" Will Get You Out Of Any Jam
Watching the Die Hard documentaries (Diecumentaries), one might think that all confidently saying “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” does is make you bulletproof—but that is, as advanced students will recognize, a gross understatement. It just happens that Professor McClane only uses the phrase when he's about to dive face-first into a tornado of bullets and accents, but don't let his sparing use of the ol' YKYMF fool you; its powers are almost limitless.

Truth be told, “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” has, without fail, helped us out in all of the following areas:

* Parking tickets
* Jury duty
* Heart surgery
* Out of toilet paper
* Bees
* 12-page paper on post-colonial literature
* Wedding vows

Go ahead and try it out. There is not one problem you could possibly face whose solution isn't eight syllables of ass-kicking-American-cowboy awesomeness. “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” isn't just a tasty garnish for blowing up terrorists anymore.

1) Alcohol Makes You a Stronger, Louder, More Efficient American Killing Machine
Before we saw the Die Hard franchise, we thought alcohol was just something to get our moms through their pregnancies. Based on the Gospel according to McClane, however, we now know that you don't need assistance, shoes, a badge or even a reasonable excuse to blow up anyone or anything that (maybe) interferes with your God-given right to live free and/or die hard; you just need a socially degenerative drinking habit.

If these movies have taught us anything, (and this article pretty much lives and dies on the fact that they've taught us five things), it's that either binge-drinking or a hangover directly preceded 90 minutes of solid ass-kickery in every single movie. Step one: Drink. Step two: Save America.

So, the next time you catch a coworker drinking on the job, don't report him to your boss, ya narc. Or, when you see a homeless man desperately sucking out the last few drops of someone else's discarded bottle of wine, don't shake your head disapprovingly. Or, when you see your dad hurling slurred insults at those “filthy, job-stealing Mexicants,” do not rudely point out how you can completely understand why mom left. You thank them for their patriotism, and you get the hell out of their way.

(from cracked.com)

Some Polling Should Start Your July Off Swell

Final Results (7/10/07):

Which of these movie titles is the worst?

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! - 0%
Bend It Like Beckham - 36% (tie)
Hope Floats - 18%
Operation Dumbo Drop - 36% (tie)
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - 9%


Apple iPhone...

I'm trendy and I want one! - 42%
$600? Give me a break - 58%


Which of these cereal mascots is most obnoxious?

Toucan Sam - 9%
Cap'n Crunch - 0%
Lucky The Leprechaun - 36% (tie)
The Trix Rabbit - 18%
Sonny "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" - 36% (tie)

Thanks to all who participated!

My Kind Of Reading Material

It's pretty common knowledge that I get in a good deal of Sony-bashing on my blog. What can I say, they're an easy target. But I'm a fair man and more than willing to recognize when they actually come up with something clever. Just don't expect this to be a continuing trend...

Sunday Golf Reflections

I give you the quote of the day courtesy of my pal, Jeremy:

"I want to know who these people are at golf matches that yell, "Get in the hole!" after every swing. They need to be punched in the face."

-Jeremy Snell

Maybe They Should Call it "Delaystation"

Congratulations, Playstation 3! You finally got your very own Rainbow Six Vegas this week; the game I played through to completion over eight months ago on the Xbox 360.

Live Free Or Die Hard Review

HIGHS

• Some of the action scenes were really well shot. Great use of panning cameras and interesting angles that help add to the overall intensity.
• The first 30 minutes or so were actually pretty okay, but it was a constant downhill slide from there.
• The actress playing John McClane's daughter wasn't annoying. That's pretty significant, as more often than not that sort of character would be.
• Justin Long did a pretty decent job as the comic relief sidekick. But that may be my slight attraction toward him talking. I try to remain as objective as I can, but c'mon, he's a cutie.
• This movie will make you appreciate Die Hard 3 more.
  

LOWS

• Let's get one thing clear right off the bat. This is not a Die Hard movie. This is some other kind of action movie that happens to star Bruce Willis as John McClane. The similarities end there.
• I hate the fact that the movie was dumbed down to get a PG-13 rating. John McClane swears. A lot. He finds himself in crazy situations where dropping f-bombs is completely necessary and expected. A restrained McClane does not cut the mustard. It's almost as bad as trying to show The Sopranos on A&E...
• Some of the action was very unrealistic. John McClane is not a superhero. He's just a tough cop who does what he can to survive. He should not find himself surfing on fighter jets.
• The story is more convoluted than it needed to be and meandered a lot. The writers really wanted me to think what was happening was a big deal, but I just wasn't buying it.
• Really lame villain. He talked through clenched teeth and pursed lips and I just wanted him to die. You're supposed to hate the villain, but for different reasons. This guy was no Hans Gruber, let me tell you. He didn't even have an accent!
• The dialogue was pretty awful at times. Borderline eye-roll inducing, which is not what you want in a Die Hard flick.
• Some bad green screen work that is really inexcusable in today's age of top-notch effects.
• Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, that d-bag Kevin Smith shows up playing, what else, a big fat nerdy loser residing in his mother's basement. And seriously, my hatred for Kevin Smith aside, his acting was atrocious. Stick with the silent thing, please.
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: Jessica Simpson auditioned unsuccessfully for the role of Bruce Willis' daughter.

I Like When Things Go Boom

***My 500th Post!***

It's no secret that I'm a sucker for over-the-top action scenes. Why else would I have rented Bad Boys II? A movie doesn't have to be good to be entertaining, in my opinion.

Here are The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Action Movie Moments as compiled by TheShiznit.co.uk:

1) WILL SMITH GIVES THE ALIENS A VIRUS in INDEPENDENCE DAY
The lowdown: Aliens blow six shades of shit out of Planet Earth’s major landmarks from their massive bastard spaceships. Conveniently, Area 51 still has an old alien cruiser from when they stopped by Roswell for a holiday, and Will Smith has got a plan...
Why so ridiculous? Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum both hop on board the crashed alien vessel and fly to the mothership, uploading a virus that brings down the alien shields. Are you fucking kidding me? This is a film in which aliens attack Earth, and the most unbelievable part is still buying the fact that our hardware is compatible with alien technology. “Upload a virus? Sure! I’ll go ahead and assume the aliens are using Windows Vista and save the world!”
In reality... They travel all that way only to realise the aliens don’t even have a USB drive on their computers. Earth explodes and Will Smith gets a tentacle up the arse for good measure.
Wins the award for: Outstanding Contribution To Outer Space Explosions.

2) THE BUS JUMP in SPEED
The lowdown: Crazy terrorist Dennis Hopper has planted a bomb on a city bus, which will detonate when the speedo dips below 50mph. Cue chaos as the bus full of passengers tears it up through interstates and side roads, with only Keanu Reeves’ hot-head cop on board.
Why so ridiculous? Speed’s concept is a fantastic premise, but that doesn’t mean the movie can suddenly ignore the laws of physics. Approaching a gap in the approaching overpass, Keanu convinces Sandy Bullock’s driver to punch it, and the bus sails over the 30ft gap in glorious slow motion, landing with a bump (at over 50mph at that). Of course it does! Reeves later tries the same trick with a train, but fails. Jerkwad.
In reality... The bus takes a nosedive straight through the freeway and takes out dozens of innocent passengers, all of whom curse Keanu’s name as they meet a fiery death.
Wins the award for: Most Liberal Use Of Gravity.

3) THE DOWNHILL SHANTY TOWN DEMOLITION in BAD BOYS II
The lowdown: Bad boys Mike Lowry and Marcus Burnett are on the trail of one of Cuba’s biggest drug kingpins, Johnny Tapia. After over two hours of gung-ho action, sideways shooting and mildly amusing quips, they hop into a yellow Hummer and go offroad.
Why so ridiculous? Behind the wheel of their indestructible truck, the bad boys are chased down a hill, smashing through several houses in a small wooden shanty town seemingly on purpose. Forget the fact that dozens, if not hundreds of poor ethnic townsfolk would be killed in the resulting downhill demolition – these people have been making drugs, so they deserved to die! Screaming! Under the wheels of Will Smith’s car!
In reality... The druglord escapes and a few more people in the world get high. Lowry and Burnett are charged with 168 cases of manslaughter. Bad boys for life!
Wins the award for: Most Bodacious Disregard For Human Life.

4) “I THINK WORLD WAR II JUST STARTED!” in PEARL HARBOR
The lowdown: Michael Bay directs a typically understated drama on the horrors of the attack on Pearl Harbour during the Second World War, which in no way makes entertainment of out tragedy. Starring Ben Affleck.
Why so ridiculous? Americans just love a movie they can whoop and holler at, and nothing brings together the masses like a dumbass US war film. Maybe, just maybe, Michael Bay wasn’t the most tactful of choices to direct. Among a laundry list of historical inaccuracies was Josh Hartnett’s character exclaiming: “I think World War II just started!” Yes, that’s in 1941. Two years after the rest of the world had already got their fight on. And Americans wonder why the rest of the world think they’re stupid.
In reality... Hartnett says: “I think it’s time for us Americans to step in and save the world!” Still full of shit, but slightly more accurate.
Wins the award for: Best Use Of Explosions To Cover Up Historical Goofs.

5) VIN DIESEL SNOWBOARDS DOWN AN AVALANCHE in xXx
The lowdown: A James Bond for a new generation, Xander Cage aka xXx is an extreme sports nut and part-time anarchist who is recruited by the government to go undercover in a group of terrorists, while looking like he’s not particularly bothered about anything.
Why so ridiculous? The whole movie’s dumber than a box of pebbles so singling out the stupidest scene is a little like finding the dunce in a class of retarded kids. Using his extreme sports skills TO THE MAX, xXx avoids a well-deserved death by avalanche by hopping on a snowboard and riding that bitch to the bottom. Clinging safely onto a thin metal pole at the foot of the mountain, he’s unaffected by the huge landslide, which incidentally smashes a huge house to bits and kills several dumbass henchmen in the process. EXTREEEEME!
In reality... Diesel cops a lungful of snow and rests in peace under twenty feet of freshly laid piste.
Wins the award for: Best Parody Of A PlayStation Game.

6) THE SKYSCRAPER FREEFALL in THE ISLAND
The lowdown: Two clones escape a testing facility where they’re being bred as spare parts for rich twats with duff organs and saggy tits. They make it into the real world only to be pursued by facility staff and the po-leece.
Why so ridiculous? Please, this is action spaz Michael Bay. Not only do the clones manage to evade capture on foot when their pursuers have hover bikes and guns, but they manage to fall from the roof of a 70-story skyscraper – clinging onto a gigantic corporate logo of the letter ‘R’ (which presumably stands for retarded) – and land caught up in netting without a scratch. This being a Bay film, two helicopters also explode in the same stunt. Because you can’t have people falling off buildings without exploding a helicopter or two.
In reality... The clones escape but are burned alive by Christian protestors for being abhorrent freaks of nature.
Wins the award for: Best Half-Arsed Idea Executed By Michael Bay.

7) SNAKE PLISSKEN SURFS A TSUNAMI in ESCAPE FROM L.A.
The lowdown: Gruff criminal and all-round cool guy Snake is once again recruited by the government, this time to infiltrate the prison island of Los Angeles and receive a doomsday device stolen by the president’s daughter.
Why so ridiculous? From the outset, it’s clear Escape From L.A. is John Carpenter on autopilot – it’s clearly not meant to be taken seriously, though perhaps someone should have told Kurt Russell. The man they call Snake hangs ten while surfing a tsunami wave down Wiltshire Boulevard and then jumps off his surfboard onto the back of a moving car like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Consider the life-or-death basketball match and weep that such a cool character appeared in such baloney - making Snake surf is like making Han Solo hand glide.
In reality... “The most notorious criminal in US history” realises he’s about as adept at surfing as Stephen Hawking and bails, breaking his pelvis and dooming the planet.
Wins the award for: Stubbliest Anti-Hero Performing An Extreme Sport.

8) CRANK (THE WHOLE DAMN THING)
The lowdown: Chev Chelios (the lunacy has started already) is a professional assassin who wakes up to find he’s been poisoned. If his heart rate dips he’ll die, so he’s got to stay full of adrenaline at all times. A perfect excuse for a lack of plot - cue the mindless action!
Why so ridiculous? From beginning to end, Crank is one big clusterfuck of ridiculous action scenes, the Adrenaline turned up to 11 with the Logic firmly on mute. Watching Chev headbutt his friends, shag his missus in public, swan dive off a moving motorbike and run around with a gigantic boner never gets tired, but it stretches credibility to breaking point. It might be like ‘Speed On A Person’, but hell - it sure is fun.
In reality... Chev’s enemies cut his throat in his sleep, rather than give him a slow-working poison that might just encourage him to get angry.
Wins the award for: Worst Character Name Since Korben Dallas.

9) THE SHITTY SCORPION KING in THE MUMMY RETURNS
The lowdown: Rick and Evelyn again battle hordes of mummies as Imhotep is once again raised from the dead to cause trouble. The adventure takes the gang into the temple of the Scorpion King (played by The Rock) who, if resurrected, will destroy the world or something.
Why so ridiculous? Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Seriously? Ha ha haaa. A word in the ear of any directors: make sure you don’t spunk your entire SFX budget up the wall before the final battle, otherwise you risk your heroes facing off against a CG abomination that looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint. As Rick struggles with the shockingly shabby Scorpion King, it looks likes he’s fighting a Create-A-Wrestler from the WWF Smackdown videogame. A computer-generated low that’ll be tough to beat.
In reality... Rick must save the world from a tennis ball on a stick.
Wins the award for: Best Use Of An Atari 2600 For Special Effects.

10) TOMMY LEE JONES OUTRUNS A FALLING BUILDING in VOLCANO
The lowdown: A volcano erupts in Los Angeles and clever clogs TLJ reasons that they divert the lava into the ocean by detonating buildings (a good idea). Unfortunately, he’s standing underneath one when they do (a bad idea).
Why so ridiculous? Tommy Lee Jones looks like a man who’d struggle to outrun a corpse at the best of times, so having him outrun a falling skyscraper is a pretty fucking big stretch of the imagination. Not only does the old codger manage to defy logic and physics, he scoops up a mop-topped youngster while doing it. When he emerges from the rubble to see all different races covered in ash, the brat remarks “They all look the same!” Damn, I used to be a huge racist, but not any more!
In reality... Tommy takes two steps before a building lands on his head. Add another grave to the Three Burials.
Wins the award for: Fastest 100-Yard Dash (Geriatric Division).

Blogger's Note: Here are some of my personal picks:

JAKE GYLLENHAAL OUTRUNNING FROST in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
THE FIRE HOSE SCENE in THE TRANSPORTER 2
THE CLIFFHANGING TRAILER SCENE in THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK
DUELING WATER WHEEL SHENANIGANS in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Cream Of The Sci-Fi Crop

Here are Rotten Tomatoes' 25 Best-Reviewed Sci-Fi Films Of All Time:

1. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
2. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)
3. Metropolis (1926)
4. Alien (1979)
5. Minority Report (2002)
6. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
7. Children Of Men (2006)
8. The Host (2007)
9. Star Wars (1977)
10. Aliens (1986)
11. The Road Warrior (1981)
12. The Bride Of Frankenstein (1935)
13. Galaxy Quest (1999)
14. Brazil (1985)
15. The Terminator (1984)
16. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956)
17. Solaris (1972)
18. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
19. Frankenstein (1931)
20. Mad Max (1979)
21. Repo Man (1984)
22. Back To The Future (1985)
23. Sleeper (1973)
24. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978)
25. Gojira (1954)

Blogger's Note: Minority Report at #5! Take that, practically everyone I know!

Gay Used To Mean Happy

(Thanks to Bryan for the pic)

Scientists Have Theorized That The T-Rex Could Probably Breathe Fire

I have no idea if this kids menu is for real, but I sure got a good chuckle out of it. As always, click on each photo for a larger view.

Each Color As Unique As You Are

(you'll want to click on the photo for an enlarged view)

Like A Fine Wine?

Here is the first photo in 18 years of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. He's definitely showing his age but I'd say the fedora still fits.

The Nerdy Pictures Post

Here are three nerdy photos I came across this morning. (the Millennium Falcon scene was constructed from Legos)

High Quality H2O

The Ririan Project has compiled a list of 10 Reasons to Drink More Water. Follow the link for a more detailed list on their site.

1. Get Healthy Skin
2. Flush Toxins
3. Reduce Your Risk Of Heart Attack
4. Cushion And Lube Your Joints And Muscles
5. Get Energized And Be Alert
6. Stay Regular
7. Reduce Your Risk Of Disease And Infection
8. Regulate Your Body Temperature
9. Burn More Fat And Build More Muscle
10. Get Well

Polls For Your Amusement

Final Results (6/28/07):

When attending a summer BBQ, which do you go for first?

Hamburger - 75%
Hotdog - 25%
Veggie/Tofu Nonsense - 0%


I once joked, "That's So Raven? More like Fatso Raven!" Is this...

Cruel - 36%
Funny - 64%


When hankering an alcoholic beverage, you typically prefer:

Beer - 55%
Wine - 9%
Liquor - 36%

Thanks to all who participated!

How Not To Run A Business

It's been awhile since I've stuck it to Sony on here, so what better time than now? Here is a collection of ridiculous quotes Sony big-wigs have made regarding the PS3 and its competition:

"It’s probably too cheap…"
– Ken Kutaragi, Regarding the $499 to $599 price point

"(the PS3) is not a game machine…"
- Ken Kutaragi, Regarding the machine’s beefy hardware architecture

"…for consumers to think to themselves ‘I will work more hours to buy one’. We want people to feel that they want it, irrespective of anything else."
– Ken Kutaragi, explaining their marketing goals for the PS3

"We do not care."
– Kaz Hirai, current President of Computer Entertainment, regarding competition from Microsoft and Nintendo

"I don't think the battle would be any different with or without Grand Theft Auto... I don't think it (losing Grand Theft Auto would) hurts us. No, I really don't."
- Jack Tretton, Sony Computer Entertainment America president and CEO

"If you can find a PS3 anywhere in North America that's been on shelves for more than five minutes, I'll give you 1200 bucks for it."
- Jack Tretton, Sony Computer Entertainment America president and CEO

"The first five million are going to buy it (PS3), whatever it is, even [if] it didn't have games."
- David Reeves, Sony Computer Entertainment Europe CEO

"Microsoft does not concern us. Microsoft is not a technology company."
- Nobuyuki Idei, Sony chief corporate adviser in an interview with BBC NEWS

"A bit pricey."
- Michael Ephraim, Managing Director of Sony Computer Entertainment Australia, speaking about Nintendo Wii in an interview with the age.com

"The PlayStation 3 is a computer. We do not need the PC."
- Phil Harrison, president of Sony Worldwide Studios, in an interview with GameSpot

"Nintendo knows its target audience, because it has really narrowed that down; and it’s pretty much defined by a boy or girl’s ability to admire Pokemon."
- Phil Harrison, president of Sony Computer Entertainment's Worldwide Studios

"Consider the US with its massive land and cheap people. Then you look at the UK - a little island where rent and rates are at an absolute premium, and the cost of people is a lot more."
- Sony's take on the consumers, as told by UK Managing Director Ray Maguire to website gamesindustry.biz

"I have no concerns about the competition."
- Phil Harrison, president of Sony Worldwide Studios speaking at the Game Developer Conference

"I don’t think we’re arrogant."
– Phil Harrison, regarding consumer perception of Sony

The Muppet Man

I was in an IRC channel tonight when someone made the comment...

"I think the world needs Jim Henson now more than ever."

It struck me as insightful, somehow. I think he's probably right.

Too Much Wang?

85% of the 1.3 billion citizens of China share only about 100 family names. There are 93 million people with the surname Wang.

(from Yahoo News)

Bro Rape: A Newsline Investigative Report

(Thanks to Chris for showing me this fantastic vid)

Black [updated 6/13/07]

Did anyone see the Sopranos finale last night? I feel the need to get some other viewpoints on the ending. I'm left feeling a tad bewildered...

Spoiler Alert: The post that follows as well as the comments section contain plot details from the finale episode. Consider yourself warned.

The following is from Kevin Levine's blog. He has written/produced/directed shows like MASH, Cheers, Frasier, The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond and many others over the course of his 30-year career.

"If The Sopranos Were On A Major Network"

• The finale would be at least two hours.
• There would be a one hour clip show hosted by Bob Costas preceding it.
• There would be live coverage of the cast party on the network’s local 11:00 news. It would be the lead story even if Hurricane Katrina hit that day.
• There would be a little animated promo swooshing across the bottom of the screen after every commercial break of every other prime time show on that network for two weeks. A little gun would shoot a little mobster. The blood would spell out SOPRANOS.
• Also, on the bottom of the screen there would be a little countdown clock for a month leading up to the finale.
• The cast would be on that network’s late night talk show. If the network didn’t have a late night talk show they would create one just for this purpose.
• An online contest would offer prizes if you guessed who would be whacked and when. That way you could watch the final episode and play along at home.
• They would spin off Janice. Coming in September: WIDOW WITH CHILDREN.
• They would insist that Tony’s mother return despite the fact that the actress who played her has died.
• They would NEVER EVER EVER allow an ambiguous ending.
• They would want the following changes in the last scene. Meadow should drive a Ford because that’s who is sponsoring. She should have no trouble parallel parking because Fords are easy to parallel park. The restaurant must be TGI Fridays – also a sponsor and much more colorful. The threat should come from a singing waiter wearing a straw hat, suspenders, and hundreds of fun buttons. A secondary threat should be an Arab terrorist with a scar. The Arab should pull his gun. The waiter should point his banjo (which is also a semi-automatic rifle). It looks like Tony, Carmela, and A.J. are done for it. Final commercial break. We come back just as Meadow bursts in the door with an Uzi and blows the bad guys away. Meadow, it seems, has just come from dance class and is wearing nothing but a hot leotards. Tony says, “That’s what I get for going to Fridays on Tuesday.” The family shares a laugh. Meadow sits down. Everyone hugs and declares their love for each other. Carmelo calls out, “Can we get ANOTHER waiter?” They laugh. One more hug. Long fade out, as music swells – Dino’s “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head”. Fade out. Your local news is next.
  

So if you’re still pissed at David Chase for the way he really ended the series just think of the alternative.

(Thanks to Rawson for the link)

Results May Vary

Just in time for summer- Make your own ice cream in under five minutes!

What You'll Need:

1 tablespoon Sugar
1/2 cup Milk or half & half
1/4 teaspoon Vanilla
6 tablespoons Rock salt
1 pint-size Ziploc plastic bag
1 gallon-size Ziploc plastic bag
Ice cubes

Step 1: Fill the large bag half full of ice, and add the rock salt. Seal the bag.
Step 2: Put milk, vanilla, and sugar into the small bag, and seal it.
Step 3: Place the small bag inside the large one and seal again carefully.
Step 4: Shake until mixture is ice cream, about 5 minutes.
Step 5: Wipe off top of small bag, then open carefully and enjoy!

(from The Kaboose Family Network)

Behold, The ZoomQuilt!

Click on the picture below and prepare to be amazed right out of your socks!

Gamer Beware

Here's a nice example of why I don't generally do business with Gamestop.

Like A Good Neighbor

Here are some interesting things you probably didn't know about Mr. Fred Rogers (at least I didn't).

(from Mental_floss)

Most people have heard of Koko, the Stanford-educated gorilla who could speak about 1000 words in American Sign Language, and understand about 2000 in English. What most people don’t know, however, is that Koko was an avid Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fan. As Esquire reported, when Fred Rogers took a trip out to meet Koko for his show, not only did she immediately wrap her arms around him and embrace him, she did what she’d always seen him do onscreen: she proceeded to take his shoes off!

According to a TV Guide piece on him, Fred Rogers drove a plain old Impala for years. One day, however, the car was stolen from the street near the TV station. When Rogers filed a police report, the story was picked up by every newspaper, radio and media outlet around town. Amazingly, within 48 hours the car was left in the exact spot where it was taken from, with an apology on the dashboard. It read, “If we’d known it was yours, we never would have taken it.”

Mr. Rogers weighed in at exactly 143 pounds every day for the last 30 years of his life. He didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t eat the flesh of any animals, and was extremely disciplined in his daily routine. And while I’m not sure if any of that was because he’d mostly grown up a chubby, single child, Junod points out that Rogers found beauty in the number 143. According to the piece, Rogers came “to see that number as a gift… because, as he says, “the number 143 means ‘I love you.’ It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to say ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’ One hundred and forty-three.”

When the government wanted to cut Public Television funds in 1969, the relatively unknown Mister Rogers went to Washington. Almost straight out of a Capra film, his 5-6 minute testimony on how TV had the potential to give kids hope and create more productive citizens was so simple but passionate that even the most gruff politicians were charmed. While the budget should have been cut, the funding instead jumped from $9 to $22 million. Rogers also spoke to Congress, and swayed senators into voting to allow VCR’s to record television shows from the home. It was a cantankerous debate at the time, but his argument was that recording a program like his allowed working parents to sit down with their children and watch shows as a family.

Despite being an ordained Presbyterian minister, and a man of tremendous faith, Mister Rogers preached tolerance first. Whenever he was asked to castigate non-Christians or gays for their differing beliefs, he would instead face them and say, with sincerity, “God loves you just the way you are.” Often this provoked ire from fundamentalists.

Once, on a fancy trip up to a PBS exec’s house, he heard the limo driver was going to wait outside for 2 hours, so he insisted the driver come in and join them (which flustered the host). On the way back, Rogers sat up front, and when he learned that they were passing the driver’s home on the way, he asked if they could stop in to meet his family. According to the driver, it was one of the best nights of his life—the house supposedly lit up when Rogers arrived, and he played jazz piano and bantered with them late into the night.

Mr. Rogers was color-blind. He couldn’t see the color blue. Of course, he was also figuratively color-blind, as you probably guessed. As were his parents who took in a black foster child when Rogers was growing up.

Michael Keaton got his start on the show as an assistant- helping puppeteer and operate the trolley.

Every one of the cardigans he wore on the show had been hand-knit by his mother.

Hey, It's That Guy

How many times have you said this while watching a film or television program? Cracked.com has compiled a list of The 20 Best "That Guys" Of All Time. It's a fantastic list that culminates with a #1 entrant who has haunted me for years now.

(thanks to Rawson for the link)

Future Google

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End Review

HIGHS

• Thankfully, Pirates 3 didn't suck. It builds on what was established in the first two films and comes through with a satisfying conclusion. After witnessing the abomination that was Spider-man 3, I guess I can't ask for much more than that.
• Geoffrey Rush is hands-down the greatest pirate in cinema history. He should be given an Oscar for this. To see him cackling maniacally as he steers his ship off the end of the world is a ridiculously badass thing to behold. Everyone talks about Capt. Jack, and of course I agree that the character is fun and memorable, but for my money Barbosa is the best thing about these films.
• We find out more on Davy Jones' back story, who was, with the absence of Barbosa, my favorite thing about Dead Man's Chest. And he's still sporting the most convincing CGI I've ever seen.
• Speaking of CGI, I think it's easy to become complacent with what you're seeing in a movie these days because we are so used to large-scale special effects shots, but the stuff that is put together in Pirates 3 is damn impressive. When you look at what goes down in the film's climax, with the inclusion of battling sea vessels, a giant maelstrom, sword fighting sea freaks galore, a looming fleet of British ships, and Jack Sparrow dueling it out with Davy Jones in the middle of all this- while keeping a coherent story flowing- it's really a very impressive feat. Jurassic Park was a long time ago and I think we often take for granted some of the amazing things effects artists are doing in movies today.
• In true pirate fashion, there's plenty of back-stabbing in this flick.
• One thing I criticized Dead Man's Chest for was the fact that it was significantly more kiddish and hokey than the first film. I'm happy to say that the final chapter falls somewhere between the other two on this subject. It's still pretty over-the-top at times, but it feels like a mostly grown-up affair.
• Let's not forget that this entire film franchise was based on a Disney theme park ride. That's an impressive accomplishment in and of itself.
• Less rum jokes.
  

LOWS

• I felt that they could have done a better job with the film's pacing. It's very talky at times. You know there's going to eventually be a final showdown between Pirates and Brits, it just takes a bit too long to get there. I didn't realize pirates were so indecisive.
• The sub-plot involving Calypso felt un-realized to me. I was expecting more to come of it.
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: The final run time for At World's End came in at 2 hours, 48 minutes. This was whittled down from the film's first cut which weighed in at over 3 hours.

Release The Polls!

Final Results (6/03/07):

If left alone with a tub of Neapolitan ice cream, which goes first?

Chocolate - 40%
Strawberry - 60%
Vanilla - 0%


Peppermint Patty and Marcie...

Lesbian Lovers - 73%
Just Good Friends - 27%


If the Golden Girls battled to the death, who comes out the victor?

Blanche - 27%
Dorothy - 27%
Rose - 9%
Sophia - 36%

Thanks to all who participated!

You Want A Piece Of Me?

There's been a lot of Frank Costanza talk at work lately, particularly about one chance encounter he had with Elaine at the police station that has since become one of my favorite moments in television history. As luck would have it, I found a clip from the episode on Youtube which I am sharing with you now.

BTW, this is the same episode that had the infamous Elaine Dance.

(jump ahead to the 4:00 mark and prepare to be dazzled.)

The Creativity Of Xbox

There are many reasons why the Xbox 360 is my favorite gaming console ever and Tim Schafer (creator of Psychonauts and all-around respected developer) recently talked about the biggest reason in an article he wrote for the Official Xbox Magazine.


Around 1990, all of us Lucasfilm employees were called into a big meeting to discuss some recent layoffs at ILM. People were worried about the future, so the President of the Lucas companies got up to tell us about it. (Not George. It was this other guy who wore sweater vests a lot.) The question most people seemed to have about the future was something like "Do I have one? Does it involve bagging groceries?" But President Sweater Vest wanted to talk about the future of entertainment. Management had discussed it at length, and decided that many things about media were uncertain. But the one thing they all agreed upon was this: In the future, there would be a box on top of your TV, and entertainment would come out of it.

"We don't know what exactly this box will be, or who will make it, or if you'll own it or rent, or if the entertainment is going to be movies, or games, or something else, but we know it will be some sort of... box. And it will be on top of your TV." A couple of weeks later this guy would resign. And we the employees would shout: "Yeah! You take your sweater vests and your layoffs and your future box, and you get out of here!" But now I feel bad because I think - with the exception of the location of the box - that he might have been right. I might have one of those future boxes in my living room right now.

More annoying than the thought of the Sweater Prez being right is the thought of Microsoft marketing being right. Not that they aren't usually; most of the time, they've got me pegged. When my extreme friends and I are chillaxing at home, holding skateboards in one hand and using the 360 controller in the other hand to pull off hardcore headshots, I often wonder: Does Microsoft have a security camera in my house?

(Okay, here's a realistic picture of me playing Gears of War on a typical night: bathrobe, beard stubble, my feet on a coffee table covered with dirty dishes, a stupid-looking telemarketer's headset on my head, and nerd glasses on my face because my contacts became too dry from my allergies to the small kitten sleeping next to me on the couch. Warning: This kind of hardcoreness is not a setting; it's a lifestyle.)

But here's the thing: I love my effin' 360. (And not just because it finally plays Psychonauts. But woo for that.) I think the single greatest achievement of the Xbox is not its performance or any of the fancy graphics features, but in how I interact with the machine. The relationship you have with your Xbox is the most next-gen thing about it.

How I play it is this: I flop down on the couch - in a really athletic cool way - and I turn on the 360. I look to see if any of my friends are online and I look at what they're playing. Then I see what new Xbox Live Arcade games, or demos, or videos are available to download. And then - and only then - do I start to figure out what I'm going to play. Am I up to the challenge of finally getting General RAAM stuck behind that second concrete cube so I can kill him like the cheater I am and earn that damn Achievement for playing through on Insane? Or do I just want to relax with some Hardwood Hearts? That New Age pirate music really helps me settle down for bed, you know.

That thought process isn't so new, but the order of the though process is, at least to me. I'm turning on the machine before I know what I'm going to play. Instead of thinking, "I'm going to play Gears of War," I'm thinking, "I'm going to play some Xbox."

Oh god. They won.

The King Of Popular Mechanics

(from Yahoo Music)

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."


Blogger's Note: Dear God, I hope he goes through with this.

Consider It Done

"If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years."
-Dr. Oz (some dude Oprah has on her show, so you know he's credible)

Blogger's Note: By my calculations, I should have reverted back to the womb by now.

10 Things We Learned From Spider-man 3

SPOILER ALERT: The following contains some plot points from Spider-man 3. Consider yourself warned.

(from The CinemATTIC)

1. EMOs are a product of alien symbiosis.
2. If you find yourself running from the law, no problem! Just hop over the gate that says ‘DANGER! Particle Physics Experiment in progress’ and you’re in the clear.
3. If your girlfriend is hanging from the roof of a demolished skyscraper, never fear. Nonchalantly take some pictures and introduce yourself to her father, who also doesn’t seem to give a shit.
4. Flipping omelets and listening to vintage dance songs will only lead to adultery.
5. Black is the new red. And alien goo is the new cotton.
6. If you ever find yourself battling a giant sand person and a jagged-toothed photographer alongside your best friend who just tried to kill you, be sure that you and him exchange ‘witty’ banter at every opportunity. “I’m a little busy over here, buddy.” “I’d love to help you, but I’ve got my hands full, buddy” and so on.
7. If you want to kill someone real bad, then go to church and pray and maybe, if you’re lucky, God will provide you with an alien suit made of pure evil.
8. Sufferers of amnesia just can’t help smiling ridiculously and eating ice-cream. Oh life is good when you can’t remember anything.
9. Bad boys eat cookies, drink milk and mimic their lecturers on the phone in a hilarious manner.
10. Is your girlfriend feeling down? No problem, make her feel better by passionately upside-down kissing some really hot chick in front of her.

Spider-man 3 Review

HIGHS

• Themes are consistent with the first two films.
• Some good action scenes, although Spidey 2 had better ones.
• A decent Bruce Campbell cameo.
• Topher Grace is a good actor. He should get more work.
  

LOWS

• Really lousy script.
• Poor pacing. Slow at times while not doing much to enhance the story.
• Oftentimes feels phony, melodramatic, cheesy, heavy-handed, uneven, schmaltzy... if I had a thesaurus nearby I could come up with more descriptions.
• Very inconsistent character motivations across the board.
• My greatest fear about this movie was realized: They tried to cram way too much into one film and the result was everyone coming up short-changed. This should have been handled as two movies. Harry and The Sandman in one and Venom in Spidey 4. The Venom storyline deserves its own movie.
• People's emotions are all over the place. Happy, Sad, Angry, Compassionate, Playful, Vengeful... and that was just Harry!
• Peter and Mary Jane have a challenging relationship. We get it!
• Oftentimes treats the audience like we are idiots. "Here's a flashback of what happened 20 minutes ago in case you forgot."
• Why didn't the Butler mention that earlier??! Really could have saved a lot of hassle. (when you see the movie, you'll know what I'm talking about.)
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: The release date for Spider-man 3 was set before Spider-man 2 was even released. (that means the movie was rushed, folks, and it shows.)

What Does $456 Billion Buy?

(from Boston.com)

While there is some disagreement on the idea of troop deadlines for US soldiers in Iraq, all sides seem to be on board with the amount included in the bill to fund the war.

Including the $124.2 billion bill, the total cost of the Iraq war may reach $456 billion in September, according to the National Priorities Project, an organization that tracks public spending.

The amount got us wondering: What would $456 billion buy?

2,949 Newton North High Schools
Tagged as the most expensive high school in Massachusetts, at $154.6 million, Newton North High School could be replicated almost 3,000 times using the money spent on the war.

30 Big Digs
At almost $15 billion, Boston's Central Artery project has been held up as the nation's most expensive public works project. Now multiply that by 30 and you're getting close to US taxpayer’s commitment to democracy in Iraq… so far.

Free Gas For Everybody For 1.2 Years
US drivers consume approximately 384.7 million gallons of gasoline a day. Retail prices averaged $2.64 a gallon in 2006. Breaking it down, $456 billion could buy gasoline for everybody in the United States, for about 449 days.

Or Go Green (with ethanol)
With just one-sixth of the US money targeted for the Iraq war, you could convert all cars in America to run on ethanol. TheBudgetGraph.com estimates that converting the 136,568,083 registered cars in the United States to ethanol (conversion kits at $500) would cost $68.2 billion.

14.5 Million Years Through Harvard
At published rates for next year, $456 billion translates into 14.5 million free rides for a year at Harvard.

Medicare Benefits For One Year
In fiscal 2008, Medicare benefits will total $454 billion, according to a Heritage Foundation summary.

Need More Perspective?
According to World Bank estimates, $54 billion a year would eliminate starvation and malnutrition globally by 2015, while $30 billion would provide a year of primary education for every child on earth.

At the upper range of those estimates, the $456 billion cost of the war could have fed and educated the world's poor for five and a half years.

Feeling Broody?

The 10 Most Exquisitely Sad Songs In The Whole World (according to Spinner):

1. "Chicken Wire" - Pernice Brothers (1998)
2. "Gloomy Sunday" - Billie Holiday (1941)
3. "Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles (1966)
4. "Hurt" - Johnny Cash (2002)
5. "I Know It's Over" - The Smiths (1986)
6. "He Stopped Loving Her Today" - George Jones (1980)
7. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley (1994)
8. "Dance With My Father" - Luther Vandross (2003)
9. "Concrete Angel" - Martina McBride (2001)
10. "In The Real World" - Roy Orbinson (1989)
    

Blogger's Note: You could play "Hallelujah" over a montage of kittens frolicking in a field of daisies and I'd still get misty-eyed.

My Most Important Polls Yet

Final Results (5/13/07):

You need to raise an army. It will be comprised entirely of:

Ninjas - 50%
Pirates - 20%
Pro wrestlers - 0%
Vampires - 20%
Zombies - 10%


Who is the superior cartoon duck?

Donald - 40%
Daffy - 60%


Captain Planet is recruiting new Planeteers. You choose the power of:

Earth - 10%
Fire - 50%
Wind - 20%
Water - 20%
Heart - 0%

Thanks to all who participated!

We're Also Better At Tennis

Yet another reason why Lefties are the superior race.

(from ABC Science Online)

Australian research suggests that left-handers might be a bit better at games than their right-handed counterparts.

That's because, according to a report published in the Neuropsychology journal, sharing of information between the left and right sides of a left-hander's brain is "more efficient".

Dr Nick Cherbuin from the Australian National University told ABC Science Online that this would help with tasks that involve lots of information or stimuli, including "fast computer games".

He said that his research, which saw 80 right- and 20 left-handed people performing tasks designed to rely on collaboration between the two hemispheres of the brain, demonstrates that among left-handers "sharing of resource across their hemispheres is more efficient".

Did Somebody Ask For Three More Polls?

Final Results (5/3/07):

It's Olde Timey Photo time! Let's dress up like we're in...

The Civil War - 25%
1920s Chicago - 42%
Victorian England - 8%
The Wild West - 25%


Window or Aisle?

Window - 90%
Aisle - 10%


I have 5 party games in my closet. What's your pick?

Cranium - 0%
Pictionary - 36%
Scattergories - 27%
Taboo - 18%
Trivial Pursuit - 18%

Thanks to all who participated!

Hot Fuzz Review

HIGHS

• Hot Fuzz shares many of the same qualities as Shaun of the Dead while being different enough to stand on its own merits. The writing is just as sharp but the content is different enough that both films can be enjoyed in their own right.
• Hot Fuzz is more of a tribute to over-the-top action movies than a parody. Similar to how Galaxy Quest was a tribute to Star Trek. With so many lame attempts made by flicks like Date Movie and anything by a Wayans Brother, it's refreshing to see something smartly done.
• Basically every cast member from Shaun of the Dead shows up in the film at some point.
• The movie has a fantastic pay-off at the end.
• It also has one of the goriest deaths I've seen in a film. Is that a high? I guess so.
• Timothy Dalton finally gets what he had coming to him.
  

LOWS

• The movie does start off kind of slow but eventually you'll realize that it's all setting up for the huge pay-off that I mentioned above.
• Much like Children of Men, Hot Fuzz isn't showing on nearly as many screens as it should be.
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: At a Q&A session following a screening of the film in Newcastle Upon Tyne, Edgar Wright revealed that the film featured disguised cameos by two Oscar winners: Cate Blanchett and Peter Jackson. Jackson appears as the Santa Claus who stabs Nick Angel through the hand during the opening montage and Blanchett appears masked as Angel's ex-girlfriend CSI agent.

It's Nighy, Not Nye.

The following is a brief conversation I had with a lady at work recently. This isn't verbatim, but it's pretty darn close.

Lady: Excuse me, I'm looking for the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
Me: Sure, it's right over here.
(I walk the lady over and hand her the DVD.)
Lady: Oh, wonderful! I just love these movies. My sister hasn't seen them yet so I want to get them for her before the third one comes out.
Me: Yeah, they are a lot of fun.
Lady: (pointing at Davy Jones on the cover) And didn't that guy look real!
Me: Yeah, that was some amazing CG they used on him.
Lady: Can you believe that's Bill Nye The Science Guy in there? My kids used to watch him!
(At this point I politely smile and the conversation trails off. You have to choose your battles.)

Gen Y's Most Trusted Brands

(from The Consumerist)

Reader Plaid sent us an interesting list of the top 15 most trusted brands among new consumers aged 21-27. According to the research firm that put together the survey, the youngish are drawn to brands that speak to them in a "straightforward and stripped-down way, use plain packaging, and avoid excess," Personally, we don't find this surprising as we (and most of the people we know ) are suffering from some sort of extreme marketing exhaustion as a result of being young during the 80s and 90s.

Plaid says, "I have to admit, I do prefer many of the brands on the list. However, as a marketing minor in undergrad, I'm kinda appalled that I've fallen for their marketing schemes." It's OK, buddy. Those Red Stripe commercials are too awesome to resist. Plus, the beer is good. Brand list inside.

The 15 Most Trusted Brands named by the surveyed trendsetters were:

Apple
Trader Joe's
Jet Blue
In-N-Out Burger
Ben & Jerry's
Whole Foods
Adidas
American Apparel
Target
H&M Clothing
Levi's
Volkswagen
Converse
Vitamin Water
Red Stripe Jamaican Beer

Tearin' Through The Mushroom Kingdom

Andrew Gardikis now holds the record for completing Super Mario Bros. in five minutes. Click on the picture below for impressive video proof.

More Pointless Polling? You got it!

Final Results (4/26/07):

Would you give up the Internet for life in exchange for $1 million?

Yes - 20%
No - 80%


Which is your preferred highlighter color?

Blue - 20%
Green - 20%
Pink - 0%
Purple - 0%
Yellow - 60%


When you set your alarm clock, which sound do you wake up to?

Buzzer - 55%
Radio - 9%
CD/MP3s - 36%

Thanks to all who participated!

Enough Already!

What the fuck is wrong with Jamie Kennedy?

I Like Creative Ads

What a genius bit of advertising this is...

Rocking The Polls

Final Results (4/18/07):

There are 3 options for your birthday party. Which do you choose?

Bowling - 20%
Miniature Golf - 60%
Rollerskating - 20%


Which of these Pixar films most deserves a sequel?

A Bug's Life - 0%
Monsters INC. - 11%
Finding Nemo - 33%
The Incredibles - 56%
Cars - 0%


Which type of chocolate do you prefer?

Milk Chocolate - 30%
Dark Chocolate - 50%
White Chocolate - 20%

Thanks to all who participated!

Bumper Sticker Of The Week