It Was A Good Ride While It Lasted

I believe my feelings about this unfortunate development can best be expressed by a quote from one Captain Malcolm Reynolds...

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

Wednesday Observation

There is no greater joy in life than that which is brought on by a Snow Day.

-Me

Voice-Over Silliness

Tom Kenny, Rodger Bumpass, Carolyn Lawrence, and Bill Fagerbakke presented this video at the Annie Awards as evidence that they shouldn't be stereotyped for their Spongebob Squarepants characters.

(Thanks to Tony for the link)

This Post Dedicated To Cookie Treible

While I'm in list-posting mode, here are the 30 TV Shows Entertainment Weekly Readers Would Bring Back From The Grave.

Freaks And Geeks
Angel
Sports Night
Grosse Pointe
Rome
Early Edition
Popular
Drive
Covington Cross
Veronica Mars
Eyes
Carnivale
Brimstone
Skin
Once & Again
Wonderfalls
My So Called Life
Arrested Development
Boomtown
Kitchen Confidential
Farscape
Century City
Jake 2.0
Max Headroom
Gideon's Crossing
Joan of Arcadia
Homefront
Jack & Bobby
Reunion
Kindred: The Embraced


My Write-Ins:

Firefly
The best show nobody watched. It was unfortunate that Firefly premiered during a time when reality shows like Survivor were red hot. I think if it had showed up around the time of the new Battlestar Galatica, it would have faired much better. At least we got a kickass movie out of it.

The Critic
I think this show was maybe a little too obscure for a general audience. I imagine many of the jokes and references went over people's heads but I always found it hilarious. Probably the greatest thing John Lovitz has done. Wait, not probably. Definitely.

Strangers With Candy
We got three great seasons but I would have enjoyed a couple more. Such a fantastically talented cast headlined by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert when he was still humble (though no less hilarious.)

Newsradio
Probably one of the greatest ensemble casts ever for a sitcom. It's such a shame that the show wasn't able to rebound after Phil Hartman's death. Those were shoes that were simply impossible to fill. And poor Dave Foley has been in a downward spiral ever since.

Best Sequels Ever

Here are Moviephone's 25 Best Movie Sequels Of All Time:

25) Die Hard 2
24) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
23) The Road Warrior
22) Before Sunset
21) Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi
20) Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan
19) After The Thin Man
18) The Bourne Supremacy
17) Superman II
16) Rocky II
15) Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban
14) Evil Dead 2
13) Toy Story 2
12) Dawn Of The Dead
11) Kill Bill Vol. 2
10) Bride Of Frankenstein
09) X2: X-Men United
08) Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade
07) The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
06) Terminator 2: Judgement Day
05) Spider-Man 2
04) Aliens
03) The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King
02) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
01) The Godfather Part II


My Write-In:

Back To The Future Part II
I won't argue with the fact that the first BTTF was a tighter, more well-scripted film. But I simply find Part II to be more fun. They took the premise of the first movie and ran with it which, to me, is what a good sequel does. Part II also has one of the best cliffhanger endings ever.

Worst Sequels Ever

Here are Moviefone's 25 Worst Movie Sequels Of All Time:

25) Bad Boys II
24) Caddyshack II
23) Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
22) Rocky V
21) Major League II
20) Jaws 3-D
19) Scary Movie 2
18) The Sting II
17) Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde
16) The Next Karate Kid
15) Battle For The Planet Of The Apes
14) The Exorcist II: The Heretic
13) Be Cool
12) Son Of The Mask
11) The Matrix Revolutions
10) Superman IV: The Quest For Peace
09) Speed 2: Cruise Control
08) Weekend At Bernie's II
07) Blues Brothers 2000
06) Jason X
05) Staying Alive
04) Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
03) Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
02) Basic Instinct 2
01) Batman And Robin


My Write-Ins:

Spider-Man 3
Just plain awful. I really enjoyed Spidey 2 but this sequel took everything in the wrong direction.

Alien 3
I can't believe this movie was the follow-up to Aliens. I also can't believe it was directed by David Fincher.

Oceans 12
Everything that made the first movie so much fun is gone; replaced with smug, self-serving jokes and a plot that goes nowhere.

RoboCop 3
Robot ninjas and a forced PG-13 rating? No thank you.

Uncanny Resemblance

Greg recently shared this link with me:

The 10 Star Wars Toys That Unintentionally Look Like Other Celebrities


The John Kerry is dead-on!

Quirk

Okay, so Jeremy has roped me into doing some bothersome task where I'm supposed to list quirky facts about myself and force others to do the same. I don't typically participate in such foolishness but I'm feeling uncommonly generous so here goes...

Here are the rules:

* link to the person who tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself
* tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs
* let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Here are my six things:

1) Whenever I'm choosing something from a stack, I simply cannot bring myself to take the item on top. Whether it be a paper from a newsstand, a cereal box at the supermarket or a DVD from Best Buy, I need to go back about 4 or 5 deep to be satisfied with my choice. I guess my thinking it that others have handled the first item and thusly it has somehow been soiled.

2) I cannot stand the thought of hair on a bar of soap. I will hold the bar under the water in the shower, rolling it over in my hand about a dozen times to make certain the soap is completely hair-free before setting it down.

3) When using something with a volume control, I like to leave it on an even number. Car stereo, home theatre, whatever... I am much more comfortable setting it on, say, 34 or 36 than I would be on level 35. I have no idea why my mind works this way but I've learned to roll with it.

4) I have a strong dislike for musical ringtones. The last thing I want to hear is The Black-Eyed Peas randomly coming out of a passerby's pocket. And what would Beethoven think about his classic symphonies being reduced to a chime on some daytrader's iPhone? I just want phones to ring, that's it.

5) I always cry at the end of Big Fish. I have tried to resist but I just can't help it. It starts to build when Will is telling the story for his father and by the time they get to the river where everyone is waiting for him, it's Niagra Falls for me. A rare chink in the armor, I assure you!

6) I am a huge fan of Bonnie Raitt. I could listen to Luck of the Draw all day, everyday. If every gay guy is required to have a diva, I've got dibs on Bonnie.

Here are those I tag:

Cookie

The High Roller

... I guess I don't have many friends who maintain blogs that I'm aware of. See? This was doomed from the start.

Yup, Another Profane Jesus Post

That Guy

(btw, this pic's file name is "danecookfan")

More Helpful Tips For Future Parents

I'm F*cking Matt Damon

Just more reason why Matt Damon is the shit.

I Gots To Get Me One Of Those

I Am Not Amused

Top 5 Reasons To Not Like Dane Cook
(from omglists.com)

5- He (probably) steals jokes
This is a huge internet debate. And there is reason to believe this claim because the evidence is somewhat compelling. Stealing jokes is the worst crime in comedy. You just don't do it. If you're caught it's like wearing the scarlet letter around your neck. I've seen comedians kicked out of clubs because of that. Some of his material is really close to Louis C.K. who is a comedian from the same city as Cook. In my opinion I think they are too close to call, but I have seen comics touch on similar topics with almost the same accuracy in terms on content. I mentioned this fact to a Superfan and was told in response "That he did [Louis C.K's] material better anyway". If that's how people are going to look at things then go ahead. Even if he didn't steal his jokes verbatim the material is uninspired.

4- Lack of respect for other comedians
Its hard to be a comedian when other comedians hate you. And I don't mean because you're famous and open mic comedians rag on you. I'm talking about professional comics. Robert Klein, Jim Breuer, and David Cross have all openly talked about their hatred for Mr. Cook. Why? Mostly it's because of the material, but it has to do partially with Cook himself. In a comedy club in Rhode Island Cook did a surprise set before a headliner and ran past his time bleeding into the other performers act. That's a lack of professional courtesy. It doesn't matter how famous you are you NEVER do that. If you look at people from "The Comedians of Comedy" it is all a social network where people respect other peoples material. No matter how many fans you fill in a stadium, it must be hard to go home and have people you respect not respect you. I kind of feel bad for Dane, but there has to be a reason why his peers won't respect him.

3- Dane Cook "Superfans"
I do not hate every Dane Cook fan. Let me just point that out. I have friends who love Dane Cook and listen to him on a regular basis. But for some reason when I tell Superfans "I don't like him", I get my ear chewed off. The level of fan devotion is almost as bad as thirteen-year-old BackStreet Boys fans saying they don't like N'SYNC. When I do come across a Superfan and I talk about Dane Cook they love to pick a fight about why I don't like him.

Me: I just don't think he's that funny.

Fan: Whatever man he's hilarious.

Me: I don't think he is hilarious at all. He's just loud to me sometimes.

Fan: You don't like him because he is famous.

Me: No I DON'T! I just like other comedians better. Their material is stronger.

Fan: Psh. Fuck you. (Fan sticks up super finger)

Fuck me for having an opinion and listening to other comics. Geez.

2- No punchlines
Set them up, Knock them down. Set them up knock it down. That's the basic formula of a joke. Setup, and then a punchline. But watch Dane Cook's stand up material and you will see something bizarre. There are hardly any punchlines. Where there should be a joke, there is a noise, or a funny face. Where is the joke? There is no joke. Dane Cook is the master of manipulation. He would of made a great cheerleader in high school. In terms of energy I have never seen anyone control a crowd so effectively. But in terms of telling a joke he falls flat. If you drank a shot of liquor for every punchline uttered from Dane Cook, it would take you three comedy specials to get drunk. Believe me, I tried.

1- No relevance or longevity
Two comedians before Cook have achieved his level of success. Steve Martin and Richard Pryor have both played to thousands of people but their material pushed boundaries in comedy. Pryor engaged both white and black audiences discussing race relations and his own troubled personal life. Martin created a stage character that was wild and wacky but was also inventive and personable. And after realizing the price of fame can be a disaster, Martin wrote and starred in a catalog of films that are now classics. Cook? Well, that's the thing. In terms of being a comic the only thing to learn from him is that you can create a franchise and sell t-shirts. Fifty years from now Pryor's material will still be valuable by touching on universal themes, while jokes about Burger King may not. Only time can tell.

Blogger's Note: I have definitely locked horns with these Dane Cook "Superfans". It's never a pleasant encounter.

The Right Man For The Job

(from The Hollywood Reporter)

Guillermo del Toro is in talks to direct back-to-back installments of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit," which is being co-financed by New Line and MGM.

Del Toro's name was on a short list of directors who could tackle the project, one of the most anticipated literary adaptations of the past decade. An ill-chosen director for "Hobbit" could put billions of dollars at stake for New Line and MGM and could turn off an audience that encompasses millions of passionate readers, Tolkien fans and obsessive geeks.

Few filmmakers have the cachet that del Toro has, as well as a deep love for the source material, an assured grasp of fantasy filmmaking and an understanding and command of geek culture as well as its respect. Del Toro has built that goodwill through such films as the Oscar-nominated "Pan's Labyrinth," "Hellboy," "Blade 2" (which was made by New Line) and "The Devil's Backbone."

For New Line, making "Hobbit" had become a priority in the wake of its billion-dollar success of the Oscar-winning "The Lord of the Rings" movies, which were co-written and directed by Peter Jackson. Jackson wanted to adapt "Hobbit," but when he got into a dispute with the studio over profit participation, the project went into limbo; neither New Line nor MGM, both rights-holders to the film, wanted to risk alienating fans of the trilogy by making an adaptation that didn't have Jackson's involvement.

The December resolution of the Jackson suit, facilitated by MGM CEO Harry Sloan, paved the way for "Hobbit" to get back on the road to the screen. However, because of other commitments that included "The Lovely Bones" and "Tintin," Jackson could not take on writing and directing roles, opting instead to become an executive producer with approval over creative elements of the pair of films.

Because of the strike, no writer has been hired to adapt Tolkien's children's classic, though that process will be fast-tracked once it's resolved. Del Toro and Jackson will oversee "Hobbit's" writing.

Principal photography for the films, which will be shot simultaneously, is tentatively set for 2009. The production budget is estimated at $150 million per film. The release of the first film is slated for 2010 and the second in 2011.

Blogger's Note: Del Toro would absolutely be my #1 choice as a replacement for Peter Jackson. Assuming Ian McKellen is still on onboard, this should pan out nicely.

Torrey's Bullet Point Review Of There Will Be Blood

• Daniel Day-Lewis has the Best Actor Oscar in the bag. His performance is simply hypnotic. Paul Dano impressed as well.
• I liked the fact that, unlike PT Anderson's previous works, TWBB didn't feature an all-star cast. I think the fact that it was filled with mostly unknowns helped sell its authenticity as a period piece. There were no moments of, "Hey, there's William H. Macy playing a train conductor!"
• Absolutely perfect score that fits the film beautifully and adds a great deal to the overall presentation. I'm always amazed and delighted when a film's score elevates it to something greater. Star Wars would be a prime example of that.
• I suppose not everyone will be satisfied with the film's ending. I dug it.
• I need to see it again to be sure, but this may be PT's greatest film. I think it's certainly his most focused work to date.
  
  Torrey's Opinion:
  Recommended
  
  Random Related Fact:
  In an interview on the National Public Radio program "Fresh Air with Terry Gross," Paul Dano told Gross that he had originally been cast in the much smaller role of Paul Sunday, Eli's brother, and another actor had been cast as Eli. However, after Paul Dano had already started filming his one scene as Paul Sunday, Paul Thomas Anderson decided to replace the actor playing Eli. Anderson then asked Dano to play Eli Sunday (a much bigger role) as well as Paul Sunday, and they decided to change the film to make the brothers identical twins. Anderson asked Dano to play Eli on a Thursday, and filming for the role began four days later, on the next Monday. Daniel Day-Lewis, by contrast, had a whole year to prepare to play Daniel Plainview.

Fun With Jesus

Banner's Follies

Kevin Koster, the Assistant Director for the show JAG, compiled a list of every single catalyst that caused David Banner to "Hulk Out" in the old Incredible Hulk series. Here are some of my favs...

• Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him
• Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire so that burning branches keep falling on him and setting him on fire, and a giant, burning tree falls directly on him as the last straw
• Quicksand
• Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, "Oh. I just gave you a lethal injection. Sorry, David."
• Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator
• Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth ("I DON'T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!")
• Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn't understand words like "You've GOT to cut me loose!"
• Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he's a thief, and who don't believe him when he says "Hey! There are rats in here!", and then being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult
• Being trapped inside a football stadium drunk tank while his friend is in danger, and THEN having one of the drunks hit him over the head with a metal object
• Receiving a speeding ticket
• Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - "You don't understand, I have to be there by 4:00!" - "Hey, mac, it's rush hour, we ain't gettin' there til five, so relax." - "BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!"
• Being pushed out of a plane at 30,000 feet by a mean guy who yells “You’re gonna land a lot sooner than the rest of us!”
• Being stuck in the police department's voice mail system when he knows his friend is about to be the next lobotomy subject, only to have the police finally pick up the phone after he's turning into the Hulk

You can see the complete list here. Thanks to Greg for sharing this.

Helpful Tips For Future Parents

Poor Form, Best Buy

The guy killed himself two days ago. That is just tasteless.

My Bullet Point Review Of Cloverfield

(I always try to be vague in these reviews so as not to spoil plot points for anyone. Cloverfield is going to be a significant challenge so I apologize if these points are even more vague than usual.)

• Every so often a movie comes along that is more than a movie, it's an experience. Cloverfield definitely qualifies as such.
• Smatterings of brilliance sprinkled throughout. Several moments that will have you awestruck.
• Very intense and very emotional. This is a movie that sticks with you long after you leave the theatre.
• The fact that a large-scale movie with loads of special effects and very credible actors can be made for around $25 million really shines a light on how grossly over-paid many of Hollywood's "talents" are.
• If you are prone to motion sickness, better take some Dramamine ahead of time.
• Because the film is so incredibly realistic, I found that certain questionable plot points really stood out to me, more so than they probably would have in other movies. They served as unwanted reminders that this was a Hollywood blockbuster after all, despite the filmmakers trying their darnedest to convince me otherwise. It's really too bad because Cloverfield came damn close to perfection in my book.
  
  TORREY'S OPINION:
  Recommended
  
  RANDOM RELATED FACT:
  The title "Cloverfield"; initially just a codename for the movie, is named for the boulevard in Santa Monica where the Bad Robot offices were located during the making of the film.

A Super Bowl Party I Would Actually Attend

A Masterpiece From The 8-Bit Era

I don't know art but I know what I like.

If Looks Could Kill

This pic was taken today at a Martin Luther King, Jr. Day event Bush was attending.

The Internet Party

Bryan also linked me to this very clever video made by some folks at cracked.com. Click the pic to get things rolling.

Crazy Lady At A Coffee Shop

(Thanks to Bryan for linking me to this wacky vid)

My Bullet Point Reviews Of No Country For Old Men, Juno, And I Am Legend

I caught a few flicks recently and it's time to play catch-up on reviews.


No Country For Old Men

• Probably my favorite Coen Bros movie since Fargo.
• As with all Coen Bros flicks, fantastic casting.
• Tommy Lee Jones restoring some dignity in the role he was born to play.
• The pacing and tone of the film many turn off some folks. They have my pity.

TORREY'S OPINION:
Recommended

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
Contrary to most successful films made from books, much of the film's action is taken word for word from Cormac McCarthy's novel and to boot occurs in the same order of events. Bell's final speech in the film, for instance, can be read on the final page of the book.


Juno

• Superb casting, top to bottom.
• Juno has a quirky sense of humor but manages to remain accessible to a general audience. I'd watch it with my Mom.
• The soundtrack fits like a glove.
• I wouldn't want to know the person who doesn't take away some measure of joy from this film.

TORREY'S OPINION:
Strongly Recommended

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
The hamburger phone in the movie is owned by the writer, Diablo Cody.


I Am Legend

• Will Smith is great in it.
• There were moments of brilliance scattered throughout. I really enjoyed the parts that dealt with feelings of solitude and longing for human contact.
• The last half hour feels very rushed. A lot of things happen out of convenience.
• I have made the comment to some that I think the premise would work much better as a three season run on the Sci-Fi Channel.

TORREY'S OPINION:
A Mixed Bag

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
All of the paintings in Dr. Neville's house were taken from the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

American Psycho: The Romantic Comedy

EW's 25 Best Sci-Fi Movies & Shows Of The Past 25 Years

25. V: The Miniseries (1983)
24. Galaxy Quest (1999)
23. Doctor Who (1963-Present)
22. Quantum Leap (1989-1993)
21. Futurama (1999-2003)
20. Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003-2005)
19. Starship Troopers (1997)
18. Heroes (2006-Present)
17. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
16. Total Recall (1990)
15. Firefly/Serenity (2002/2005)
14. Children of Men (2006)
13. The Terminator/Terminator 2 (1984/1991)
12. Back to the Future (1985)
11. LOST (2004-Present)
10. The Thing (1982)
09. Aliens (1986)
08. Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
07. E.T. (1982)
06. Brazil (1985)
05. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
04. The X-Files (1993-2002)
03. Blade Runner (1982)
02. Battlestar Galactica (2003-Present)
01. The Matrix (1999)

I often think Entertainment Weekly is a crock of shit, but they've actually put together a darn fine list of great sci-fi. Sure we could haggle about the ordering until the cows come home, but there's a lot to love here. Anyone have any write-ins?

The Science Of Smith

Pod People, I Turn To You In My Hour Of Need

So, I want to get some sort of transmitter for my iPod to use in the car but I'm having a pickle of a time finding something of good quality. Ideally I'd like a hookup that kept the player charged while in use but my biggest concern is sound quality. Before I continue this vicious cycle of trial and return I figured I would turn to you iPod-owning folks to find out what is working for you in your automobiles. Please comment any suggestions; I'll greatly appreciate the help.

Eating A Banana La-La-La

I share with you now an original poem written for me today by Jeremy Snell:

I eat a banana
When my tummy rumbles.
The long yellow fruit
Helps my mind not stumble.

It tastes like a rainbow
When I lick it high to low.
And it tickles my nose
When wrapped in pantyhose.

I eat a banana
But not for an entire feast.
They help me see in the dark
Like a man-cat beast!

My Bullet Point Review Of Sweeney Todd

HIGHS

• Easily one of Tim Burton's greatest achievements.
• Fantastic cast. Who knew Johnny Depp could sing like David Bowie?
• As made evident by the South Park movie and now Sweeney Todd, any musical is made better by gratuitous bloodshed.

LOWS

• One of the theatre attendants commented that people have been walking out of the movie because "they didn't realize it's a musical." Idiots.

TORREY'S OPINION
Strongly Recommended (as long as you enjoy musicals)

RANDOM RELATED FACT
To prepare for the role of Adolfo Pirelli, Sacha Baron Cohen hired his personal barber as a consultant on shaving techniques. He spent 16 hours learning how to handle a razor.

Just My Style

Bryan said he thought of me when he read this comic. Bryan knows me very well.

Predator vs. Alien

(I can't take credit for this joke, I'm merely sharing it.)

/Film's Definitive Top 25 Movies of 2007

1) There Will Be Blood
2) The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
3) Ratatouille
4) Persepolis
5) In the Shadow of the Moon
6) Juno
7) Sicko
8) Once
9) The Bourne Ultimatum
10) No Country For Old Men
11) The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
12) Enchanted
13) Gone Baby Gone
14) Away From Her
15) This is England
16) The Savages
17) Control
18) Hot Fuzz
19) Hairspray
20) 3:10 to Yuma
21) Rescue Dawn
22) Zodiac
23) Superbad
24) Knocked Up
25) Michael Clayton

Man, I have a lot of catching up to do. If you'd like to know the science involved in compiling this list, click here.

Bill Maher's Dickheads Of The Year

Michael Vick
Stop saying what he did is a cultural thing, just one of those things black folks are known for, like jazz. He's not one of the Scottsboro boys, he electrocuted dogs.

Erik Prince
We used to have rent-a-cops. Now we have rent-a-soldiers. As CEO of Blackwater, the most notorious private-security contractor in Iraq, Prince has his own navy, air force and spy agency. This guy is building nothing short of a parallel national-security apparatus. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but he's a super-Christy Jesus freak who looks on the Crusades the way rednecks pine for the Confederacy.

Bob Murray
The fat-ass, lying embodiment of the Bush administration's regulatory policies. After the cave-in at the Utah mine he owns, Murray hijacked the press conferences and insisted that the tragedy was caused by an earthquake. An assertion all seismologists agreed was wrong, but hey, it was a disaster — no time to start injecting facts. The probable cause was the controversial — but, of course, profitable — practice of retreat mining, where you remove pillar supports in order to get more coal.

Sen. Larry Craig
A man who consistently voted against gay interests, but turns out to be not just gay but the kind of gay who likes to get it in public restrooms. Don't people like Larry Craig and Ted Haggard and Mark Foley prove that being gay really is a hard-wired thing — not, as the conservatives always claim, a "lifestyle choice"? If anyone could choose not to have gay sex, it would be these guys, since their whole careers are built on not having gay sex.

Sen. David Vitter
Even more disgusting than Craig. Caught dead to rights as a customer of the D.C. Madam, and explained it away by saying, "Several years ago I received forgiveness from God in confession." Oh, well, all righty then, it's all good, then you're obviously not a disgusting, horrible hypocrite who runs on family values and then fucks whores at home and in Washington.

College Republicans
The place where cutthroat, amoral putzes like Karl Rove cut their teeth. They're all staunchly for the Iraq War, although none have volunteered to go, even though they're the same age as the grunts doing the fighting they say is so important. Doughy losers who, at age twenty, care more about tax cuts than girls. And lately they've been holding these "Catch an Illegal Immigrant" parties around the country where they basically play hide-and-seek with one lucky player posing as the wetback. Usually you have to be older and married before you start hating life so much you try to blame the Mexicans for all your problems, don't you?

The Solid Quarter
That twenty-five percent of America who would not desert George Bush if he ran over Dakota Fanning with his pickup truck on the White House lawn. Is it a coincidence that twenty-five percent is also the number of people who, in an AP poll of predictions for 2007, said they expect Jesus Christ to return this year!? I don't think it is.

The Asshole Who Shot Up Virginia Tech
I've forgotten his name — which is as it should be! Please don't go look it up and do what the media did and give this shithead what he wanted.

Congressional Democrats
Who, when it came time to render judgment on the administration's patently illegal wiretapping, took advantage of a deeply unpopular lame-duck president by caving in to his every whim. They agreed to allow the Justice Department to spy on Americans without a warrant. I know it is unconstitutional and all, but hey, if you can't trust the sober judgment of Alberto Gonzales...

Alberto Gonzales
At the Bush White House, a constitutional crisis is when somebody actually reads the Constitution. Gonzales obeyed Karl Rove's orders to decimate the Justice Department by firing the U.S. attorneys who weren't Bush loyalists to the point of corruption, then told Congress, I can't recall who put together the list of which attorneys to fire. But I stand by the decision to fire everyone on the list. Which I never read. Also, nothing improper occurred. And I know, because I can't recall.

Michael Mukasey
And let's not forget the new guy, who further shredded the reputation of the United States as a nation of laws by testifying that because Bush is commander in chief, he can basically ignore the laws of Congress. Kind of makes you miss those innocent days when Gonzales just couldn't recall.

George Bush
Come on, no list of assholes and fuck-ups could be complete without the Dipshit in Chief. Who will tell this president what everyone but him already knows? The theory of evolution. And the times tables. And where the sun goes at night. And that Iraq is going to be three different countries. And that everyone hates us and we've run our military into the ground and the Taliban is back and we still haven't caught bin Laden and the economy is tanking and we wasted eight years blowing the oil companies while the Earth is melting. We had a pretty nice house when this Cat in the Hat of presidents came in and made the mess of all time. And who's going to clean it all up — Rudy Giuliani?

Rudy Giuliani
A phenomenon I still don't understand. Rudy says if a Democrat is elected in 2008, we'll be at risk of another 9/11, because... he was mayor of New York when they attacked the World Trade Center the first time? His slogan should be "Not on my watch... again." And if that's not enough of a reason for him to make this list, try this: The year before he was elected mayor, the NYPD made 720 arrests for marijuana misdemeanors. In the year 2000 under Rudy, that figure was 59,945. That's an increase of... a lot, dude. Why am I confident that he'll be on the list again next year?

(info from rollingstone.com)

Big Red

I really enjoy the Hellboy comics and I thought the movie was well done. Now Guillermo del Toro has the sequel coming and I am excited for it! I have always been curious, however, of how Hellboy was received by those unfamiliar with the source material. I think people generally enjoyed it. Anyway, watch the trailer already.

I Have A Thing For Spencer Krug

My current music obsession:

Crayon Physics Deluxe

Thanks to Bryan for pointing me toward this outstanding vid.

He Does Exist

After initially disputing Tony's claim, I discovered tonight that there really is a singer named Bootsy Collins.

Perfect!

Cleanse Your Queue Of These Puppies

Double Viking's Worst Movies of 2007:

9) Revolver
8) Hostel II
7) The Number 23
6) Who's Your Caddy?
5) Delta Farce
4) I Know Who Killed Me
3) Because I Said So
2) Norbit
1) Epic Movie

Blogger's Note: I am pleased to announce that I managed to avoid all of these.

According To Greg

Title in Most Dire Need of a Comma than Any Book in Literary History:

Positive First Impression

If the movie can manage to live up to this badass poster, we'll be in good shape.

My 12-Year-Old Side Finds This Hilarious

That's How He Rolls

Chris linked me to a couple of hilarious Darth Vader clips tonight. Enjoy.

Look Out Below

If anyone knows how I can get this on a t-shirt, let me know.

Governor, I'm Not Sure Now Is The Best Time For That...

California's Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger curls a dumbbell that was found in the remains of a home that was burned down on Sunday in the Angora wildfire near South Lake Tahoe, California June 27, 2007. (from Reuters)

Thanks to Jeremy for the link.

Batman Returns

Great poster!

GlucoBoy

I thought this was a brilliant example of how video games can be more than a simple mindless pastime.


GlucoBoy, a game compatible with the Game Boy Advance or DS Lite, was launched in Australia a couple of weeks ago on World Diabetes Day. The Glucoboy makes monitoring and achieving blood sugar goals fun. Whenever a user performs a glucose test, points are awarded which allows the user to unlock games. More points are awarded if the user’s blood sugar falls within the specified goals. The points may be spent in the game or the GRIP online community. Users post their scores to the GRIP community to see who has the best scores in a town, country, and world.

There are 2-full length games along with a mini-arcade (3 additional games). Games are played by inserting the Glucoboy cartridge into the Nintendo Gameboy.

The idea was created by Paul Wessel who noticed that his 9-year-old son would constantly lose his glucose monitor but not his gameboy. Mr. Wessel states “That moment something came to me - if I could combine blood glucose testing and video gaming technologies, perhaps Luke would be more motivated to test.”

It took Mr. Wessel 3 years to obtain Nintendo’s approval to make this device. The development is well worth the wait. The Glucoboy will prove to play a critical role in providing the incentive for kids to be compliant with their blood sugar monitoring.

(from Hippocratech)

Props

Bryan pointed me toward this clip today. It's pretty darn hilarious.

The Way Things Go

I can't even comprehend the planning involved in setting this entire thing up. It is truly amazing.


The Way Things Go from Jack Turner on Vimeo.

Going For The Gold

It certainly gets my vote...

Disney/Pixar are contemplating pushing Ratatouille for the Best Picture Oscar at the Academy Awards, but the Mouse House is worried that such a push, might diminish their chances of winning the Best Animated Feature Oscar. As you probably know, Beauty and the Beast is the only animated film to ever be nominated for Best Picture, losing to Silence of the Lambs in 1992. Five years ago the Academy created the “Best Animated Feature” Oscar to reward the animated film’s which have been clearly given the shaft in the Best Picture category.
Ratatouille is one of the best reviewed films of the year, and of all time (with a 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with over 195 reviews). Brad Bird’s film is already ranked in the top 100 films of all time on IMDb with an 8.4 user rating (44,000+ votes).

(from slashfilm)

Scene Caps: The Return

It has been ages since I've done one of my little Scene Caps competitions on here. Well fear not, the drought is over!

The rules are simple: The first person to identify all five movies correctly from the screen captures I've posted gets my admiration along with their name displayed in a really sweet font. Even if there are some you don't know, give it your best shot and I will tell you how many you have correct. You can resubmit answers as often as you like until someone names all five.

And the winner is...

CHRIS BREWER!

(I was hoping for a cooler font but my options were pretty limited) Nevertheless, the correct answers are:

Goldeneye, The Devil Wears Prada, Dumb & Dumber, The Princess Bride, and Edward Scissorhands

Flagpole Sitta With Gusto

Bryan shared this video with me the other day. It is undoubtedly the most joy you will ever find associated with this song.


Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo.

Good Luck With That

If life ever has you down, just think, you could be the IT person in charge of maintaining this...

That's Incentive

While Microsoft now bundles the Xbox 360 with 2 free games...

Sony has gone ahead and pooped in every Playstation 3 box...

With priorities being clearly defined, the choice should be clear this Christmas.

Now That's What I Call Festive

The Great Pumpking House

Every halloween season, the house at 748 Beech Street in Kenova, West Virginia is transformed into the Great Pumpkin House. The owner, Ric Griffith and hundreds of other volunteers carve thousands of pumpkins for display at his home every halloween.

This year (2006) they have approximately 3,030 pumpkins on display. The pumpkins will be on display between October 28th - November 4th. The display will be featured on the Ellen Degeneres show early next week.

(from wvpics.com)

A History Lesson From Mr. Snell

Erulehto81: "Shift that fat ass, Harry. But slowly, or you'll swamp the boat."
Erulehto81: When Washington was getting on the boat to cross the Delaware he said that to Henry Knox.
deviledHam79: LOL
Erulehto81: They should teach this stuff in history because it's far more entertaining.
Erulehto81: I had to put that quote on facebook.
deviledHam79: where did it come from?
Erulehto81: It was reported by Knox. Doesn't say where. Probably a letter or diary entry.
deviledHam79: he REALLY said that??
Erulehto81: Yes.
deviledHam79: LOL
deviledHam79: well George Washington is my new personal hero.

An Offer I Can't Refuse

And Jeremy wins for the most random thing anyone has asked me this week...

Would you be willing to spend $8 to go through a corn maze?

The Revamped Jack Bauer Power Hour

Check out the trailer for the seventh season of 24! It looks like the show is getting the shot of adrenaline it needs after a disappointing season six.

HD Deal-O-Rama

I'm posting this text from Ozymandias' blog. Anyone with an Xbox 360 and a high-def TV would be bonkers to not take advantage of this deal.

As most of you already know Best Buy had an awesome promotion this week. With the purchase of a Xbox 360 HD DVD drive you would also recieve Heroes Season 1 for free (a $99 value!). Yes, great deal, but was that not enough for you? In this same ad there was another HD DVD deal which allowed you to pick two free HD DVD movies with the purchase of any HD DVD player. Originally Best Buy intended this deal to only apply to Toshiba set top boxes, but due to poor word choice they have chosen to honor the promotion for the Xbox 360 HD DVD player due to being overwhelmed with complaints. Now with the purchase of the Xbox 360 HD DVD Player you recieve:

• King Kong (packed in with the drive itself)
• Heroes Season 1
• 2 Free HD DVDs of your choice priced $34.99 or below
• 5 Additional free HD DVDs (via mail in rebate)

That is 9 Free HD DVDs with the purchase of the drive.

So basically that's $350 worth of free content with the purchase of a $179 player. Do it! Do it now!!

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

All potential Pokemon Masters begin their trials through Pikachu's vagina.

Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Un-American

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

(list courtesy of Bill Weinman)

Vamp Cinema

Because Halloween is right around the corner, here are the Top 25 Vampire Movies based on IMDB review scores:

25) House of Dracula (1945)
24) Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
23) The Monster Squad (1987)
22) Salem's Lot (1979)
21) The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)
20) The Last Man on Earth (1964)
19) From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
18) The Lost Boys (1987)
17) Day Watch (2006)
16) Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1991)
15) Interview with the Vampire (1994)
14) Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
13) Fright Night (1985)
12) The Night Stalker (1972)
11) Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
10) Cronos (1993)
09) Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)
08) Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary (2002)
07) Near Dark (1987)
06) Horror of Dracula (1958)
05) Martin (1977)
04) Black Sunday (1960)
03) Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
02) Dracula (1931)
01) Nosferatu (1922)

Sith Lord Of The Blues

Chris and I agree that this video is much funnier than it should be.

Condi Rice Gibberish

Barry sent this video to me. I have no idea what is actually being said but I was laughing the whole way through. Be warned, there is an ample amount of explicit language involved.

Polling For The People

The Next Sega Saturn? Ouch.

Don Reisinger at CNET.com weighs in on the current state of the PS3. Obviously I strongly agree with his points if I made the effort to post it here...

With a rumored $399 40GB Playstation 3 on the way, a cheaper device hitting shelves in Japan and UK, and announcements of an all-out price blitz this holiday season, is Sony really as desperate as it looks?

By just looking at news from the last week, it's quite easy to see that Sony is grasping at anything that will make the PS3 stick. Whether it's a new color, a cheaper price, or a rumbling controller, the company is hoping we will like something that make us spend our hard-earned money. I can't blame Sony for trying--the PS3 is hands-down, the most important device Sony is selling right now. Not only is it the harbinger of Blu-ray, it represents one of the most economically stable divisions of the company over the past decade.

But once again, Sony has it all wrong. The company is a victim of its own self-image and there is no stopping it with the current management in place. Simply put, Sony sees itself as a hardware company and in this business, that's the last thing you want to do.

Is Sony just a hardware company? Well, yes and no. Almost every product it releases is hardware and it seems to know this business best. There is no denying the fact that Sony threw all of the cutting edge components into the PS3 and it's simply the most powerful game machine we have ever seen. But for some odd reason, Sony genuflects at the sight of high-powered hardware while thumbing its nose at software--the true sellers of gaming consoles. Isn't this ironic considering the company develops software for its platform on a regular basis?

I can appreciate Sony's position--it needs to drop the price on the Playstation 3 to appeal to consumers first, but at what point does the company plan on selling consoles? A dropped price is fine and $399 is a good place to start, but if it gets rid of backward compatibility as it did with the UK device, how will it stop people from buying the Playstation 2 and opt for a PS3?

In fact, look no further than the PS2 to see how the video game industry really works. The Playstation 2 is underpowered when compared to this generation of consoles and yet, it's selling better than the PS3. Some may say it's price, but I disagree. Sure, it's easy to afford, but think of how many games you can play with a Playstation 2. And once you do that, compare it to the Playstation 3 library of games and then tell me which console you would prefer to play.

For the first time, Sony is off the mark entirely. To make matters worse, this couldn't come at a worse time. With a floundering PS3 that Sony hopes will catch on, what will happen to Blu-ray? What will happen to its game development division if the PS3 continues to fail? Worse, what will happen to Sony as a whole?

Sony is under the impression that a lower price on its console will stimulate sales and help it attain the lead it used to enjoy. But with no exclusive blockbuster titles in sight, what's the impetus for us to run to the store and buy the Playstation 3?

The Xbox 360 currently has the best software library and that console has been selling for $399 since its release. The Nintendo Wii is riding a wave like nothing we have seen in this industry and that console costs just $250. Simply put, if I want to play video games, why would I choose the Playstation 3?

Now, I'm sure Sony zealots will stand up and tell the world why there is a need to buy a Playstation 3 immediately, but I think any and all of those arguments are pure rubbish. I've owned the console since December and I can say that I've tried to play it as much as I can, but there is nothing out there that has made it imperative that I do so.

The Playstation 3 is on life support and unless Sony starts grasping at something it can hold on to, it should stop worrying about how the public perceives its hardware and start doing what it can to bring exclusive blockbuster titles to the console. So far, the Playstation 3 is the biggest gaming blunder we have seen in years.

Can you say "another Sega Saturn?"

This Can't End Well

Ladder Collapses On Dude - Watch more free videos

Well, I don't know about you but I'm sold.

Coincidence? I Think Not

Good News, Everyone!

Ann Coulter Is Out Of Her Damn Mind

For anyone who may not already know, here is a good example of why you should never, ever listen to anything Ann Coulter says.

If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

-Ann Coulter

Amazon Cuts To The Chase

Well, this person IS from Canada...

Wavy Beans

This picture is not animated. It is an optical illuuuuuuuusion.

Fun With Captions

Jeremy shared some pictures today that make me chuckle...

The Writing Is On The Wall

MSNBC put together a list of 10 businesses that will slowly fade away from existance over the next 10 years...

Record stores
One of the most prominent music retailers, Tower Records, shut down all 89 stores last year after concluding it couldn't withstand the onslaught of online music stores and chains like Wal-Mart, which can offer lower prices and sell other items to offset the smaller number of CDs being sold.

Camera film manufacturing
According to The Chicago Tribune, from May 2006 to May 2007, the volume of prints made from digital cameras grew by 34 percent. Film camera sales, meanwhile, fell by 49 percent, while digital cameras sales continued to grow — by 5 percent. Of American internet users, 70 percent own a digital camera; another survey shows that 70 percent of Canadians now use a digital camera.

Crop dusters
The average age of the typical crop duster is 60, the number of crop dusters is dwindling, and the profession can be dangerous. Just several weeks ago, an Arkansas crop dusting company was ordered to stop flying in Iowa after spraying farm workers with a fungicide; 36 farm hands in a cornfield had to be decontaminated by a hazardous materials crew. In 10 years, the type of crop dusting plane that chased after Cary Grant in "North by Northwest" will have almost certainly gone south. Farmers say that they'll always need crop dusters, even though new technologies have made them less important than in the past.

Gay bars
As The Orlando Sentinel noted in a recent article, around the country gay bars have been going out of business as gay men and women have been gaining greater acceptance in society. What used to be a hangout for people who felt unwelcome elsewhere is becoming less necessary.

Newspapers
Some people thought they were through when radio and TV news came about. Even after the fax machine revolutionized offices, some people predicted that everyone would have their news faxed in, since that would be quicker than relying on a newspaper. But the numbers have been falling precipitously since the 1990s when the internet came on the scene. In the past year, the Audit Bureau of Circulations twice has posted drops averaging 2.1 and 2.8 percent over six-month periods. Newsrooms across the country have been hemorrhaging staff.

Pay phones
In 1997, there were more than 2 million pay phones in the U.S.; now there are approximately half as many. There are probably always going to be certain places like airports and hotels that offer pay phones, as long as there are people who don't own or can't afford cell phones. Because phone kiosks on the streets are a favorite for drug dealers, who don't want to have their own numbers tapped and tracked, cities are shedding them.

Used bookstores
They've been closing fast, and those that are still open are relying on what's making them obsolete: the internet. A used bookstore used to be the place to find that beloved, out-of-print children's book you used to read 17 times a day until your little sister flushed it down the toilet. Now you just type that title in a search engine and order it within minutes.

Piggy banks
You may chuckle, but as we continue gravitating toward a paperless society, it's not difficult to imagine a day when piggy banks no longer exist. A decade from now they may only be found in antique shops.

Telemarketing
Telemarketing has been hit hard by the national Do-Not Call list that was established five years ago, and sales have been stagnant, but the industry still managed to bring in $393 billion in revenue last year. Some of this is due to clever marketing. This includes holding raffles at shopping malls; when you sign your information, you agree to accept calls from the company running the contest and its partners. Cell phones are exempt from automated telemarketing calls, but not from individuals calling. Then there are occasional windows of opportunity: The national Do-Not Call list is set to expire in 2008, unless you remember to register again.

Coin-operated arcades
With Nintendo Wii, casual gaming online and the Xbox 360, the video game arcade industry is thriving, but not the standalone brick-and-mortar arcades. Ten years ago, there were 10,000 arcades in the nation, and now the number is close to 3,000, according to the American Amusement Machine Association. Revenue from arcade game units brought in $866 million last year, which sounds good until you consider that in 1994, the industry was pocketing $2.3 billion and that the profits are only still high because it costs so much to play a game.

Ain't Progress Grand?

I'm often guilty of taking technological advancements for granted so I found this picture to offer a nice little reality check. Here is what 1GB of storage looked like 20 years ago compared to what 1GB of storage is today.

Juno

This movie looks like a winner.

My Spanish Flair

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Jeremy dug up some old footage of he and I from our short but much-celebrated stint as street performers in Guadalajara. I was known as "The Great Hambino."

Just Be Cool, Pluto. Be Cool.

Is This Why Ticket Prices Are So High?

Sounds Like The Kim Bauer Approach

Leave Britney Alone!

This, my friends, is the reason the Internet was invented.

It's Official

It was announced today that the new Indiana Jones film will be titled "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Your thoughts?

Well Now I've Seen Everything

Dear seasoned reviewers, like Greg Miller of IGN (pictured and whose work back at the Columbia Tribune we covered), you're reviewing Lair wrong -- according to Sony. Miller, and probably many other reviewers, received their copies today of the "Lair Reviewer's Guide" so that they might go back and say, "Yes Sony, we totally don't know how to play video games, thank you! Thank you so much for showing us the light on how to play these ... things. We will now go back and redo our scores with the wealth of information we have been given."

We probably couldn't say it better than Tycho of Penny Arcade when he wrote what every video game professional with half a brain should think, "For my part, I don't give a good Goddamn if someone has trained themselves to eat shit and like it. The game is not challenging, it's difficult to play, and it's taken many years but I'm ready to begin making this distinction." Controls shouldn't need an explanation (or a video like the not-official one after the break), innovation can be intuitive if it's done right. Yeah, you can explain what the buttons should do, but when professionals can't use the controls properly, and they're trying to review the game for a general video game enthusiast -- that's a problem.

(photo and article segment from joystiq.com)

Blogger's Note: I really thought this post was a joke when I first read it. The fact that Sony actually designed, published and distributed this "Reviewer's Guide" simply blows my mind. Certainly these people who review games for a living do not understand how to play them properly. That's the only logical conclusion for a PS3 game to get a lousy review. The only thing Sony accomplished here was to insult the very people who will review every future PS3 game to come down the line. Good one, Guys.

Mark Your Calendars

Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007 with Subtitles

Try and wrap your mind around this one, folks.

(Thanks to Jeremy for the link.)

These Polls Will Cure What Ails Ya!

Mr. Rogers Working His Magic

This is something of a follow-up to a post I did on Mr. Rogers awhile back. Witness him convince the Senate to contribute $20 million to public television in about six minutes.

Yet Another Reason Why New England Rocks

If blue states care less about moral values, why are divorce rates so low in the bluest of the blue states? It's a question that intrigues conservatives, as much as it emboldens liberals.

As researchers have noted, the areas of the country where divorce rates are highest are also frequently the areas where many conservative Christians live.

Kentucky, Mississippi and Arkansas, for example, voted overwhelmingly for constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage. But they had three of the highest divorce rates in 2003, based on figures from the Census Bureau and the National Center for Health Statistics.

The lowest divorce rates are largely in the blue states: the Northeast and the upper Midwest. And the state with the lowest divorce rate was Massachusetts, home to John Kerry, the Kennedys and same-sex marriage.

In 2003, the rate in Massachusetts was 5.7 divorces per 1,000 married people, compared with 10.8 in Kentucky, 11.1 in Mississippi and 12.7 in Arkansas.

"Some people are saying, 'The Bible Belt is so pro-marriage, but gee, they have the highest divorce rates in the country,' " said Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. "And there's a lot of worry in the red states about the high rate of divorce."

(from The New York Times)