I Need This Controversy Settled As Only Democracy Can

Final Results (7/26/07):

What color socks should be worn with khakis and black shoes?

Tan - 11%
Black - 56%
White - 11%
Grey - 22%

Thanks to all who provided feedback!

Telling It Like It is

(from wired.com)

It's hard to believe, but every so often the developers at E3 forget that they're talking to a room full of journalists and they say something that they probably shouldn't.

A developer was demonstrating her team's multiplatform game for myself and two other journalists, both of whom happened to have been from Xbox-specific outlets. She jokingly asked if it was ok that we were going to see the Wii version, and the two guys chucklingly assured her that yeah, that was fine.

Picking up the controls, she began sorting through the debug menu to get to the bit of the game that she actually wanted to show us, making idle chitchat as she did so.

"Of course this will be on the 360, too. We love the 360. Hoo, we love it." Pause as she waited for the demo to load. "We love the Wii, too, it's a lot of fun. Playstation, pfffffffft. Gah." One of the Xbox guys laughs at that and she goes on to say how hard it is to "get anything to run on that box."

A Notice For All You Pack Rats

If you happen to have an Osama Bin Laden stashed away somewhere, the US Senate just voted 87-1 in favor of doubling the reward for his death or capture to $50 million.

A Unique Hidden Gusset, You Say? I'll Take Two!

Get a load of that behind! He's all man, that's for sure.

The Circus Is In Town

What happens when the tallest man in the world meets the shortest? You get a really creepy picture like the one found below.

Here we see Mr. Xishun, sporting his Dorothy Zbornak look, shaking hands with Mr. Ping Ping, who is understandably feeling a tad overdressed.

How The Mighty Have Fallen

(the following is an excerpt from TV Critic Ian Jones' article "Rise And Fall Of A Comic Genius" which was originally published in The Guardian.)

Once, it was the greatest show on TV. Every episode was brimming with imagination, excitement and some of the sharpest one-liners to come out of America for decades. But above all it was smart: The Simpsons knew how to parry crudity with intelligence blow for blow. Bart's big-haired nemesis Sideshow Bob stepping on a rake nine times would be followed up with a surreal two-minute performance of HMS Pinafore. Homer lobbing a lookalike of himself over a waterfall would be followed by a reference to Walt Whitman's collection of poems, Leaves and Grass. This was dizzyingly intelligent, daring, exhilarating stuff. For every burp gag came an arch pop-culture reference. For every time Homer fell down the stairs or Bart got strangled, we had a nifty TV parody or sly political dig.

And it kept on coming, week after week. An entire generation didn't understand it. George Bush senior, then US president, even wished aloud that American families could be more like the Waltons than the Simpsons. A massive rift opened up between those who "got" The Simpsons and those who hated it. You chose your side carefully. To be a Simpsons fan was truly one of the most privileged things in the world.

Then it all changed. A new guard took over and ripped up the rules. Veterans of the show with pedigrees on venerated US comedy institutions like Saturday Night Live and The Tonight Show - Jon Vitti, George Meyer, John Schwartzwelder - either departed or went part-time. In came writers who had cut their teeth on sappy teen comedies like Blossom and unsophisticated knockabouts like Beavis and Butt-Head. A looser, lazier sensibility took hold, given free rein by new executive producer Mike Scully. And the show became stupid.

You can even put a date on it: 1997, in the early episodes of the ninth series, where the head of Bart's school, Principal Skinner, was suddenly, arbitrarily revealed to be an impostor, and his entire life to date had been a lie. Come again? A major character in a long-running series gets unmasked as a fraud? It was cheap, idle storytelling.

This was just the start. The show went on to jettison all interest in pretending to have earthy, avuncular roots: the warm, good-natured centre that, when you scraped away the multi-layered jokes and cerebral grandstanding, had been there from day one was obliterated. No longer did we see the family bonding, caring for each other, showing emotion. Instead, it was anything goes.

Plots swung sickeningly from one cliche to another. Jokes arrived out of the blue for no reason. No attempt was made to cling to reality. Now Homer would end up in new employment six or seven times a series. To date, he's held 118 (and counting) jobs, from missionary to garbage commissioner to grease salesman to fortune cookie writer, which wouldn't be such a damning statistic had almost none of them been particularly funny.

True, a long-running series has to evolve. Nobody would expect Simpsons episodes to still be solely about Lisa getting a pony or Bart failing a school exam. But, in the second decade of its life, The Simpsons evolved into a dreadfully predictable monster. With each new series came the same questions. Which foreign country will the family just happen to end up visiting this time? Which pop star will the family just happen to encounter while there? And what unsubtle bit of physical violence will Homer be subjected to en route? Contract leprosy, perhaps; get raped by a panda; or maybe get his head trapped between two halves of a lowering drawbridge?

This was change all right, but change as an excuse for idiocy. It was desperately disheartening for those who cherished and loved the show's early years. Watching Homer hold forth on the topless women he'd seen on holiday in Florida, or Marge accidentally getting breast implants, you wanted everything to be revealed as a huge wind-up, or a cunning satire on trashy TV. But there was no hidden agenda. What you saw was what you got: a base, repetitive, unfunny cartoon.

Blogger's Note: This guy really hit the nail on the head. I've said for years that The Simpsons stopped being good around season 10. It's a real bummer when a show is dragged on for too long instead of finishing on a high, with dignity.

I Really Like Chicken Salad

Quote of the day once again belongs to Jeremy...

"I'm quick to assume the worst when it comes to people's use of mayo. It's my one and only fault."

-Jeremy Snell

Smut For Smut

(from xbiz)

A group of atheists at the University of Texas at San Antonio is putting a novel twist on the toys-for-guns programs run by many urban police departments. But instead of toys, they are handing out porn in exchange for bibles.

“We consider the bible to be a very negative force in the history of the world,” student Ryan Walker said. Walker is part of a student group that calls itself the Atheist Agenda.

Club members this week posted fliers promoting what they call the “Smut for Smut” campaign then set up a table in the student union to collect religious materials and pass out adult magazines such as Black Label and Playboy.

The group is not officially sanctioned by the university and has raised the ire of several religious organizations on campus.

“In my opinion, there are no atheists. There are fools,” Pastor Rick Hawkins of UTSA’s Family Praise Center said. “So, that would be foolish propaganda. I don't know one believer that would take his Bible and turn it in for pornography.”

Hawkins obviously didn’t stop by the Atheist Agenda table, where several students had dropped off copies of the good book and walked away with skin mags.

Athiest Agenda isn’t the first student group to explore the idea of introducing porn to former bible toters. Members say they got the idea from students in Austin who ran a similar pro-porn drive.

Walker added that members thought it sounded like a creative way to exercise their freedom of speech.

(Special thanks to Bryan for sharing the link)

They May Take Our Lives, But They'll Never Take Our Allspark!

Here's another quote of the day winner:


Regarding the Transformers movie...

"I wanted it to be Braveheart starring Optimus Prime."

-Chris Brewer

Fun With Post-Its

If a friend of yours ever purchases a $60,000 Jaguar, this would be a great prank to pull on them.

Transformers Review

HIGHS

• I went into this movie with one expectation: to see giant robots tear shit up. And that expectation was most definitely fulfilled.
• Unlike the Star Wars prequels, the Transformers movie was not a bastardization of my childhood. I would say they did a pretty admirable job or transferring the material to a live action, real-world format. What would sound pretty hokey on paper, was made to seem as credible as possible on film.
• Pound for pound, probably the best special effects ever seen in a film. You will believe the robots are real. Exceptional work across the board.
• The movie had a good sense of humor about it. A tad hokey at times, but never too much so. For the most part the jokes really worked and the dialogue wasn't painful. A relatively consistent tone was maintained, even when things got crazy.
• As far as summer action movies go, Transformers makes Spider-man 3 look like amateur hour at The Apollo.
• I distinctly remember a point in the movie where the action was so intense that I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. That's gotta count for something.
• I read a quote from Spielberg the other day saying that Transformers was "a movie Michael Bay was born to direct." I guess he was probably right about that.
  

LOWS

• This IS a Michael Bay movie, so the script isn't perfect. There were a lot of plot points that could have been flushed out better. If the quality of the story were on par with the action scenes, this would be some cinematic gold.
• The majority of the Decepticons were introduced fairly late in the film and seemed kind of rushed. I didn't feel that the notion of a "war between Autobots and Decepticons" was ever fully realized. Felt more like a localized threat, rather than a global one.
• What is Michael Bay's fascination with flares?
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: It took approximately 38 hours for the animators at Industrial Light & Magic to render one frame of the CGI animation to portray the Transformers. This breaks the record set by Weta Workshop for The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), where it took 20 hours to animate a frame of CGI to portray the Ent, Treebeard.

Important Question

What would happen if you put actress Minnie Driver into a Mini Cooper S? Would the universe implode if Minnie Driver became a Mini driver? Has anyone dared to test this theory? Is this my most frivolous blog entry yet?

Five Lessons Learned From Watching Die Hard

5) It Is Impossible To Get Fired From The Police Force
NYPD, LAPD, it doesn't matter. We haven't worked out the exact science on this, but there is definitely a direct correlation between throwing Hans Gruber off a building and total immunity. Seriously, you cannot blow up enough buildings, crash enough cars or drink enough booze to ever get fired.

Lesson learned: As we understand it, joining the police force means we can ignore the orders of our superiors and kill whomever the hell we want every single Christmas and no one will care. Taking out maybe one or two terrorists a year evidently gives us the total freedom to wreck boats, drive cars through helicopters and generally avoid doing any actual police work.

Honestly, in Live Free or Die Hard, an on-duty John McClane just hung around Rutgers terrorizing his daughter's boyfriend for about 20 minutes. Why was he doing that instead of protecting innocent people from deranged stalkers? Shut the fuck up, that's why.

4) Every Single German Is A Dick
Go ahead and take a random sample. Pick any one of the German characters who have appeared in a Die Hard film. Really, close your eyes and pick any goddamn one: We guarantee you that he (or she) is a total bastard. And, we're not just looking at one movie: We've got four movies here that span about two decades. That is more than enough evidence. Ten out of 10 German guys that have gotten in McClane's way have been total dicks. It naturally follows that 10 out of 10 German people in the real world are to be mistrusted and shot on sight. Go ahead and try to argue with math, we dare you.

Bonus: With the addition of a handful of evil French bastards in Live Free or Die Hard, just to be safe, we might as well change the category to include all foreigners in general.

3) Black People Can't Wait To Help You
Whether you're murdering a guy for holding your wife hostage or simply murdering that same guy's brother for no good reason, there will undoubtedly be a zany black stereotype who just can't wait to help you. If you're driving around Harlem and you need directions or a light, well you're screwed. But if you need someone to follow you around all day and help you blow up terrorists, there will be a line of eager, wacky black folks who want nothing more than to quit their jobs and help you while pointing out the subtle differences between black and white people.

Note: If you completely run out of black people, Justin Long is just as talkative and quirky, though significantly less zany.

2) A Well-Timed "Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker" Will Get You Out Of Any Jam
Watching the Die Hard documentaries (Diecumentaries), one might think that all confidently saying “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” does is make you bulletproof—but that is, as advanced students will recognize, a gross understatement. It just happens that Professor McClane only uses the phrase when he's about to dive face-first into a tornado of bullets and accents, but don't let his sparing use of the ol' YKYMF fool you; its powers are almost limitless.

Truth be told, “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” has, without fail, helped us out in all of the following areas:

* Parking tickets
* Jury duty
* Heart surgery
* Out of toilet paper
* Bees
* 12-page paper on post-colonial literature
* Wedding vows

Go ahead and try it out. There is not one problem you could possibly face whose solution isn't eight syllables of ass-kicking-American-cowboy awesomeness. “Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker” isn't just a tasty garnish for blowing up terrorists anymore.

1) Alcohol Makes You a Stronger, Louder, More Efficient American Killing Machine
Before we saw the Die Hard franchise, we thought alcohol was just something to get our moms through their pregnancies. Based on the Gospel according to McClane, however, we now know that you don't need assistance, shoes, a badge or even a reasonable excuse to blow up anyone or anything that (maybe) interferes with your God-given right to live free and/or die hard; you just need a socially degenerative drinking habit.

If these movies have taught us anything, (and this article pretty much lives and dies on the fact that they've taught us five things), it's that either binge-drinking or a hangover directly preceded 90 minutes of solid ass-kickery in every single movie. Step one: Drink. Step two: Save America.

So, the next time you catch a coworker drinking on the job, don't report him to your boss, ya narc. Or, when you see a homeless man desperately sucking out the last few drops of someone else's discarded bottle of wine, don't shake your head disapprovingly. Or, when you see your dad hurling slurred insults at those “filthy, job-stealing Mexicants,” do not rudely point out how you can completely understand why mom left. You thank them for their patriotism, and you get the hell out of their way.

(from cracked.com)

Some Polling Should Start Your July Off Swell

Final Results (7/10/07):

Which of these movie titles is the worst?

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! - 0%
Bend It Like Beckham - 36% (tie)
Hope Floats - 18%
Operation Dumbo Drop - 36% (tie)
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo - 9%


Apple iPhone...

I'm trendy and I want one! - 42%
$600? Give me a break - 58%


Which of these cereal mascots is most obnoxious?

Toucan Sam - 9%
Cap'n Crunch - 0%
Lucky The Leprechaun - 36% (tie)
The Trix Rabbit - 18%
Sonny "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" - 36% (tie)

Thanks to all who participated!

My Kind Of Reading Material

It's pretty common knowledge that I get in a good deal of Sony-bashing on my blog. What can I say, they're an easy target. But I'm a fair man and more than willing to recognize when they actually come up with something clever. Just don't expect this to be a continuing trend...

Sunday Golf Reflections

I give you the quote of the day courtesy of my pal, Jeremy:

"I want to know who these people are at golf matches that yell, "Get in the hole!" after every swing. They need to be punched in the face."

-Jeremy Snell

Maybe They Should Call it "Delaystation"

Congratulations, Playstation 3! You finally got your very own Rainbow Six Vegas this week; the game I played through to completion over eight months ago on the Xbox 360.

Live Free Or Die Hard Review

HIGHS

• Some of the action scenes were really well shot. Great use of panning cameras and interesting angles that help add to the overall intensity.
• The first 30 minutes or so were actually pretty okay, but it was a constant downhill slide from there.
• The actress playing John McClane's daughter wasn't annoying. That's pretty significant, as more often than not that sort of character would be.
• Justin Long did a pretty decent job as the comic relief sidekick. But that may be my slight attraction toward him talking. I try to remain as objective as I can, but c'mon, he's a cutie.
• This movie will make you appreciate Die Hard 3 more.
  

LOWS

• Let's get one thing clear right off the bat. This is not a Die Hard movie. This is some other kind of action movie that happens to star Bruce Willis as John McClane. The similarities end there.
• I hate the fact that the movie was dumbed down to get a PG-13 rating. John McClane swears. A lot. He finds himself in crazy situations where dropping f-bombs is completely necessary and expected. A restrained McClane does not cut the mustard. It's almost as bad as trying to show The Sopranos on A&E...
• Some of the action was very unrealistic. John McClane is not a superhero. He's just a tough cop who does what he can to survive. He should not find himself surfing on fighter jets.
• The story is more convoluted than it needed to be and meandered a lot. The writers really wanted me to think what was happening was a big deal, but I just wasn't buying it.
• Really lame villain. He talked through clenched teeth and pursed lips and I just wanted him to die. You're supposed to hate the villain, but for different reasons. This guy was no Hans Gruber, let me tell you. He didn't even have an accent!
• The dialogue was pretty awful at times. Borderline eye-roll inducing, which is not what you want in a Die Hard flick.
• Some bad green screen work that is really inexcusable in today's age of top-notch effects.
• Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, that d-bag Kevin Smith shows up playing, what else, a big fat nerdy loser residing in his mother's basement. And seriously, my hatred for Kevin Smith aside, his acting was atrocious. Stick with the silent thing, please.
  

Torrey's Opinion:
5- Strongly Recommended
4- Recommended
3- A Mixed Bag
2- Sub-par
1- Don't Bother

Random related fact: Jessica Simpson auditioned unsuccessfully for the role of Bruce Willis' daughter.

I Like When Things Go Boom

***My 500th Post!***

It's no secret that I'm a sucker for over-the-top action scenes. Why else would I have rented Bad Boys II? A movie doesn't have to be good to be entertaining, in my opinion.

Here are The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Action Movie Moments as compiled by TheShiznit.co.uk:

1) WILL SMITH GIVES THE ALIENS A VIRUS in INDEPENDENCE DAY
The lowdown: Aliens blow six shades of shit out of Planet Earth’s major landmarks from their massive bastard spaceships. Conveniently, Area 51 still has an old alien cruiser from when they stopped by Roswell for a holiday, and Will Smith has got a plan...
Why so ridiculous? Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum both hop on board the crashed alien vessel and fly to the mothership, uploading a virus that brings down the alien shields. Are you fucking kidding me? This is a film in which aliens attack Earth, and the most unbelievable part is still buying the fact that our hardware is compatible with alien technology. “Upload a virus? Sure! I’ll go ahead and assume the aliens are using Windows Vista and save the world!”
In reality... They travel all that way only to realise the aliens don’t even have a USB drive on their computers. Earth explodes and Will Smith gets a tentacle up the arse for good measure.
Wins the award for: Outstanding Contribution To Outer Space Explosions.

2) THE BUS JUMP in SPEED
The lowdown: Crazy terrorist Dennis Hopper has planted a bomb on a city bus, which will detonate when the speedo dips below 50mph. Cue chaos as the bus full of passengers tears it up through interstates and side roads, with only Keanu Reeves’ hot-head cop on board.
Why so ridiculous? Speed’s concept is a fantastic premise, but that doesn’t mean the movie can suddenly ignore the laws of physics. Approaching a gap in the approaching overpass, Keanu convinces Sandy Bullock’s driver to punch it, and the bus sails over the 30ft gap in glorious slow motion, landing with a bump (at over 50mph at that). Of course it does! Reeves later tries the same trick with a train, but fails. Jerkwad.
In reality... The bus takes a nosedive straight through the freeway and takes out dozens of innocent passengers, all of whom curse Keanu’s name as they meet a fiery death.
Wins the award for: Most Liberal Use Of Gravity.

3) THE DOWNHILL SHANTY TOWN DEMOLITION in BAD BOYS II
The lowdown: Bad boys Mike Lowry and Marcus Burnett are on the trail of one of Cuba’s biggest drug kingpins, Johnny Tapia. After over two hours of gung-ho action, sideways shooting and mildly amusing quips, they hop into a yellow Hummer and go offroad.
Why so ridiculous? Behind the wheel of their indestructible truck, the bad boys are chased down a hill, smashing through several houses in a small wooden shanty town seemingly on purpose. Forget the fact that dozens, if not hundreds of poor ethnic townsfolk would be killed in the resulting downhill demolition – these people have been making drugs, so they deserved to die! Screaming! Under the wheels of Will Smith’s car!
In reality... The druglord escapes and a few more people in the world get high. Lowry and Burnett are charged with 168 cases of manslaughter. Bad boys for life!
Wins the award for: Most Bodacious Disregard For Human Life.

4) “I THINK WORLD WAR II JUST STARTED!” in PEARL HARBOR
The lowdown: Michael Bay directs a typically understated drama on the horrors of the attack on Pearl Harbour during the Second World War, which in no way makes entertainment of out tragedy. Starring Ben Affleck.
Why so ridiculous? Americans just love a movie they can whoop and holler at, and nothing brings together the masses like a dumbass US war film. Maybe, just maybe, Michael Bay wasn’t the most tactful of choices to direct. Among a laundry list of historical inaccuracies was Josh Hartnett’s character exclaiming: “I think World War II just started!” Yes, that’s in 1941. Two years after the rest of the world had already got their fight on. And Americans wonder why the rest of the world think they’re stupid.
In reality... Hartnett says: “I think it’s time for us Americans to step in and save the world!” Still full of shit, but slightly more accurate.
Wins the award for: Best Use Of Explosions To Cover Up Historical Goofs.

5) VIN DIESEL SNOWBOARDS DOWN AN AVALANCHE in xXx
The lowdown: A James Bond for a new generation, Xander Cage aka xXx is an extreme sports nut and part-time anarchist who is recruited by the government to go undercover in a group of terrorists, while looking like he’s not particularly bothered about anything.
Why so ridiculous? The whole movie’s dumber than a box of pebbles so singling out the stupidest scene is a little like finding the dunce in a class of retarded kids. Using his extreme sports skills TO THE MAX, xXx avoids a well-deserved death by avalanche by hopping on a snowboard and riding that bitch to the bottom. Clinging safely onto a thin metal pole at the foot of the mountain, he’s unaffected by the huge landslide, which incidentally smashes a huge house to bits and kills several dumbass henchmen in the process. EXTREEEEME!
In reality... Diesel cops a lungful of snow and rests in peace under twenty feet of freshly laid piste.
Wins the award for: Best Parody Of A PlayStation Game.

6) THE SKYSCRAPER FREEFALL in THE ISLAND
The lowdown: Two clones escape a testing facility where they’re being bred as spare parts for rich twats with duff organs and saggy tits. They make it into the real world only to be pursued by facility staff and the po-leece.
Why so ridiculous? Please, this is action spaz Michael Bay. Not only do the clones manage to evade capture on foot when their pursuers have hover bikes and guns, but they manage to fall from the roof of a 70-story skyscraper – clinging onto a gigantic corporate logo of the letter ‘R’ (which presumably stands for retarded) – and land caught up in netting without a scratch. This being a Bay film, two helicopters also explode in the same stunt. Because you can’t have people falling off buildings without exploding a helicopter or two.
In reality... The clones escape but are burned alive by Christian protestors for being abhorrent freaks of nature.
Wins the award for: Best Half-Arsed Idea Executed By Michael Bay.

7) SNAKE PLISSKEN SURFS A TSUNAMI in ESCAPE FROM L.A.
The lowdown: Gruff criminal and all-round cool guy Snake is once again recruited by the government, this time to infiltrate the prison island of Los Angeles and receive a doomsday device stolen by the president’s daughter.
Why so ridiculous? From the outset, it’s clear Escape From L.A. is John Carpenter on autopilot – it’s clearly not meant to be taken seriously, though perhaps someone should have told Kurt Russell. The man they call Snake hangs ten while surfing a tsunami wave down Wiltshire Boulevard and then jumps off his surfboard onto the back of a moving car like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Consider the life-or-death basketball match and weep that such a cool character appeared in such baloney - making Snake surf is like making Han Solo hand glide.
In reality... “The most notorious criminal in US history” realises he’s about as adept at surfing as Stephen Hawking and bails, breaking his pelvis and dooming the planet.
Wins the award for: Stubbliest Anti-Hero Performing An Extreme Sport.

8) CRANK (THE WHOLE DAMN THING)
The lowdown: Chev Chelios (the lunacy has started already) is a professional assassin who wakes up to find he’s been poisoned. If his heart rate dips he’ll die, so he’s got to stay full of adrenaline at all times. A perfect excuse for a lack of plot - cue the mindless action!
Why so ridiculous? From beginning to end, Crank is one big clusterfuck of ridiculous action scenes, the Adrenaline turned up to 11 with the Logic firmly on mute. Watching Chev headbutt his friends, shag his missus in public, swan dive off a moving motorbike and run around with a gigantic boner never gets tired, but it stretches credibility to breaking point. It might be like ‘Speed On A Person’, but hell - it sure is fun.
In reality... Chev’s enemies cut his throat in his sleep, rather than give him a slow-working poison that might just encourage him to get angry.
Wins the award for: Worst Character Name Since Korben Dallas.

9) THE SHITTY SCORPION KING in THE MUMMY RETURNS
The lowdown: Rick and Evelyn again battle hordes of mummies as Imhotep is once again raised from the dead to cause trouble. The adventure takes the gang into the temple of the Scorpion King (played by The Rock) who, if resurrected, will destroy the world or something.
Why so ridiculous? Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Seriously? Ha ha haaa. A word in the ear of any directors: make sure you don’t spunk your entire SFX budget up the wall before the final battle, otherwise you risk your heroes facing off against a CG abomination that looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint. As Rick struggles with the shockingly shabby Scorpion King, it looks likes he’s fighting a Create-A-Wrestler from the WWF Smackdown videogame. A computer-generated low that’ll be tough to beat.
In reality... Rick must save the world from a tennis ball on a stick.
Wins the award for: Best Use Of An Atari 2600 For Special Effects.

10) TOMMY LEE JONES OUTRUNS A FALLING BUILDING in VOLCANO
The lowdown: A volcano erupts in Los Angeles and clever clogs TLJ reasons that they divert the lava into the ocean by detonating buildings (a good idea). Unfortunately, he’s standing underneath one when they do (a bad idea).
Why so ridiculous? Tommy Lee Jones looks like a man who’d struggle to outrun a corpse at the best of times, so having him outrun a falling skyscraper is a pretty fucking big stretch of the imagination. Not only does the old codger manage to defy logic and physics, he scoops up a mop-topped youngster while doing it. When he emerges from the rubble to see all different races covered in ash, the brat remarks “They all look the same!” Damn, I used to be a huge racist, but not any more!
In reality... Tommy takes two steps before a building lands on his head. Add another grave to the Three Burials.
Wins the award for: Fastest 100-Yard Dash (Geriatric Division).

Blogger's Note: Here are some of my personal picks:

JAKE GYLLENHAAL OUTRUNNING FROST in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
THE FIRE HOSE SCENE in THE TRANSPORTER 2
THE CLIFFHANGING TRAILER SCENE in THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK
DUELING WATER WHEEL SHENANIGANS in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Cream Of The Sci-Fi Crop

Here are Rotten Tomatoes' 25 Best-Reviewed Sci-Fi Films Of All Time:

1. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
2. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)
3. Metropolis (1926)
4. Alien (1979)
5. Minority Report (2002)
6. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
7. Children Of Men (2006)
8. The Host (2007)
9. Star Wars (1977)
10. Aliens (1986)
11. The Road Warrior (1981)
12. The Bride Of Frankenstein (1935)
13. Galaxy Quest (1999)
14. Brazil (1985)
15. The Terminator (1984)
16. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956)
17. Solaris (1972)
18. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
19. Frankenstein (1931)
20. Mad Max (1979)
21. Repo Man (1984)
22. Back To The Future (1985)
23. Sleeper (1973)
24. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978)
25. Gojira (1954)

Blogger's Note: Minority Report at #5! Take that, practically everyone I know!