Gaudy Or Festive: Round 2

Thanks to all who participated in Round 1. Here's your next exhibit...

Put A Pinch Of Sage In Your Boots And All Day Long A Spicy Scent Is Your Reward

A kindly fellow with a cookie duster moustache at AC Moore gave us a very useful tip tonight: When hanging something with a suction cup, use a drop of vegetable oil instead of saliva because the oil won't evaporate over time.

Gaudy Or Festive: Round 1

From now until Christmas I'll be posting pictures of various Christmas lighting displays. Your job is simply to state whether you think they are festive or gaudy.

So in the spirit of the season, cast your votes!

A Question For The Ladies

It's common knowledge that I don't put much effort into understanding women but I'm curious, is it customary for two ladies to discuss their periods while standing in line at a grocery store checkout?

A Handy Guide To Expiration Dates

• Beer is good for 4 months if unopened.
• Brown sugar has an indefinite shelflife as long as it's stored in a cool, dry place.
• Coffee: up to 2 years unopened; 1 month opened and refrigerated.
• Dried Pasta: 1 year.
• Frozen dinners are good for 12-18 months if unopened.
• Ketchup: 6 months after the bottle is opened.
• Maple syrup: 1 year.
• Mayonnaise: 3 months after opening.
• Salad dressing will last for 9 months if refrigerated.
• Mustard is good for 2 years even when opened.
• Peanut Butter: 2 years unopened, 6 months opened.
• Tea bags are good for 2 years.
• And finally, if it ever comes up in Trivial Pursuit, honey is the only food that never expires.

(info from Real Simple magazine)

Some People Just Take Longer To Catch On

I came across this great quote today by Robert Scheer of the Huffington Post:

"The lessons of Tuesday’s election both in the bellwether state of California and across the nation is that Lincoln was right: the American people will not forever be fooled. The negative message of the Republican right, even when fronted by a smirking action hero, has lost its power to terrorize voters."

I Love The Smell Of Justness In The Morning

In the immortal words of Darrell Hammond doing Sean Connery: "Suck it long and suck it hard." That is my message this morning to those hateful Christian Civic League bastards who tried so hard with their deceit and their misconstruing facts to turn Mainers away from what their collective consciences told them was the right thing to do. Finally, after almost 30 years, we are the last New England state to have anti-discrimination laws for gay folks like myself in the books. It's about goddam time. Why something that seems to most logical people to be a no-brainer has been so difficult to pass is beyond me. I suppose fear of change has a lot to do with it. Let's remember that we used to burn "witches" in town squares not so long ago...progress is important. So as I head off to work this morning with the knowledge that I can only be fired based on my own inadequacies like everyone else, I say thank you to everyone who helped us get to this point. The "No on 1" volunteers all deserve fabulous medals and the people who turned out at the polls yesterday to support us are pretty darn fabulous themselves. And to those who tried and failed to keep people such as myself as their inferiors, I say, "Go fuck yourselfs."

Guilt Flicks

Let's keep the interactive posts rolling. List 5 of your "guilty pleasure" movies. (films you probably shouldn't enjoy watching but you just can't help yourself.)

Mine are:
-The Rock
-Lake Placid
-The Cable Guy
-Starship Troopers
-Life as a House

Scene Caps I

I haven't done anything interactive for awhile so let's try this:

There are five scenes below from various films. The first person to identify all five correctly is the winner. The answers will be given once people have had a sufficient amount of time to post their guesses. Begin!

Torrey's Irrefutable Truths For The Week Of 11/06 (Pop Culture Edition)

The Simpsons Should Have Ended Years Ago
Have you watched an episode of The Simpsons lately? There's barely a chuckle to be made in the span of an episode. It's really quite sad to see how far the show has sunk. The days of Marge Vs. The Monorail and The PTA Disbands are long gone. These days we get entire episodes based on American Idol or Marge getting a boob job. The show started on its decline sometime after season 10 and has been snowballing into a humorless abyss ever since. It's a shame to see something that was once the yardstick for comedic satire become the annoying uncle at Thanksgiving. Just hang it up, folks. You're past the point of going out on top, but you can at least perform a mercy killing.

November Is The Ideal Month For Viewing The Nightmare Before Christmas
Because it falls between Halloween and Christmas, of course. Hey, I never said these things were always insightful truths.

Batman Has The Best Villians
Let's rattle off a few, shall we? The Joker, Mr. Freeze, The Penguin, Two-Face, The Riddler, Bane, Scarecrow...all great villains. Even the ladies are well represented in Gotham with the likes of Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. Spider-man does a respectable job with folks like Green Goblin, Doc Ock and Venom, but ulimately can't compete with Batman's fiendish band. I won't even go into Superman's tide-pool of villiany. Besides Lex Luthor, who can even think of another villian from Metropolis? I guess there's some dude named Doomsday, but who really cares? I mean honestly. Supes is too busy feeling sorry for himself and keeping track of 27 different types of kryptonite.

Episodes I-III Suck
The true fans of Star Wars know that lightsabers and wookies alone do not a great film make. End of story.

Vote Smart

Just a friendly reminder to my fellow Mainers that election day is this coming Tuesday, Nov. 8th. I'm providing a link to the seven ballot questions so you can give yourself a little education before heading to the polls if you haven't already. An uninformed voter is more dangerous than the person who doesn't vote at all- remember that. Look no further than our current administration for concrete evidence of this. Also, if there's something or someone on the ballot you know nothing about, it's okay to leave that section blank. If only two of the seven questions are of importance to you, then by all means vote on those two and leave the others alone. Remember how on the SATs you'd get points taken away if you answered incorrectly but would stay the same if you left a question blank? It's kinda like that. All I'm saying is, vote smart. Ignorance has too high a price.

Denial Trumps The Force

Cookie asked that I share this conversation we had earlier regarding the Star Wars prequels...

deviledHam79: I decided today that not only am I not going to buy Ep III, but I'm going to get rid of my other prequels. I only have them for the surround sound really. It's my act of defiance
jugglinggeese: lol
deviledHam79: I don't really need 6 hours of missed potential, mis-direction and piss-poor acting
jugglinggeese: lol
jugglinggeese: right
deviledHam79: like I made the statement today at work...say there had never been star wars before 1999. If these last 3 films had come out fresh with no fan base or anything, starting out like, well like Serenity did, they would have been torn to shreds and a laughing stock of the sci-fi universe
jugglinggeese: they so would be
deviledHam79: but all these fucking basement nerds and larp fuckers want so badly to see more light sabers and darth vader that they are willing to overlook this incredible mound of shit that has been served to them on a shiny plate
jugglinggeese: lol
deviledHam79: and look at the box office of
deviledHam79: episode III vs. serenity
deviledHam79: makes me sick
deviledHam79: fuck you george lucas
deviledHam79: I hope you can tap into IM messages
jugglinggeese: hahah
jugglinggeese: ahahah
jugglinggeese: he probably can
jugglinggeese: i think he just wet his pants
deviledHam79: and you read this you bearded freak
deviledHam79: I want to fight him
deviledHam79: bad
deviledHam79: like a street fight
deviledHam79: inside a circle of cars with their headlights on
jugglinggeese: lol
deviledHam79: with chains and boards and whatnot
jugglinggeese: for killing what you loved as a kid
deviledHam79: exactly!
deviledHam79: he pissed all over my childhood
jugglinggeese: lol
jugglinggeese: that is big
deviledHam79: I honestly wish those prequels had never been made
deviledHam79: what I imagined to have happened was much better than what he showed us
deviledHam79: fucking trade route disputes
deviledHam79: trade route disputes????
deviledHam79: c'mon!
deviledHam79: the man who created darth fucking vader, the most iconic villian in all of movie history, decides to make his triumphant return after 20 years with a story built around a blockade of dry goods and space parts???
deviledHam79: and let's make it even more intriguing, let's involve a galactic senate!
deviledHam79: ooooooooooooooooo
jugglinggeese: hahaha
deviledHam79: and by all means, when you're going to spend half the movie on Tatooine, leave Obi-Wan on the ship and bring along Jar Jar.
jugglinggeese: hahaha
jugglinggeese: any why not waste all of the expensive talent you hired
deviledHam79: no shit
deviledHam79: liam neeson was in schindler's list! ewan mcgregor likes to show his penis! natalie portman became a professional hit...person in that professional movie! hayden christensen showed us all that life truly is a house! why not play up these strengths?
jugglinggeese: samuel. you forgot him.
deviledHam79: well, sam jackson is in every third movie that is released. but I guess that could be a strength! stamina and the ability to sign on for any project!
jugglinggeese: hahahaha
jugglinggeese: but he can act though. sometimes
deviledHam79: indeed. in the right role Sam can hold his own for sure
deviledHam79: course in Ep III he just came across as a puss
jugglinggeese: no joke
deviledHam79: what's happening? what, wait a minute...are you...are you EVIL? wait, don't do that! oh my, I will not fight you, jedi are above that! we can talk about this rationally...aw crap I'm dead. and you'll have to pay for that broken window. republic credits will do.
jugglinggeese: hahahah