I Am Not Amused

Top 5 Reasons To Not Like Dane Cook
(from omglists.com)

5- He (probably) steals jokes
This is a huge internet debate. And there is reason to believe this claim because the evidence is somewhat compelling. Stealing jokes is the worst crime in comedy. You just don't do it. If you're caught it's like wearing the scarlet letter around your neck. I've seen comedians kicked out of clubs because of that. Some of his material is really close to Louis C.K. who is a comedian from the same city as Cook. In my opinion I think they are too close to call, but I have seen comics touch on similar topics with almost the same accuracy in terms on content. I mentioned this fact to a Superfan and was told in response "That he did [Louis C.K's] material better anyway". If that's how people are going to look at things then go ahead. Even if he didn't steal his jokes verbatim the material is uninspired.

4- Lack of respect for other comedians
Its hard to be a comedian when other comedians hate you. And I don't mean because you're famous and open mic comedians rag on you. I'm talking about professional comics. Robert Klein, Jim Breuer, and David Cross have all openly talked about their hatred for Mr. Cook. Why? Mostly it's because of the material, but it has to do partially with Cook himself. In a comedy club in Rhode Island Cook did a surprise set before a headliner and ran past his time bleeding into the other performers act. That's a lack of professional courtesy. It doesn't matter how famous you are you NEVER do that. If you look at people from "The Comedians of Comedy" it is all a social network where people respect other peoples material. No matter how many fans you fill in a stadium, it must be hard to go home and have people you respect not respect you. I kind of feel bad for Dane, but there has to be a reason why his peers won't respect him.

3- Dane Cook "Superfans"
I do not hate every Dane Cook fan. Let me just point that out. I have friends who love Dane Cook and listen to him on a regular basis. But for some reason when I tell Superfans "I don't like him", I get my ear chewed off. The level of fan devotion is almost as bad as thirteen-year-old BackStreet Boys fans saying they don't like N'SYNC. When I do come across a Superfan and I talk about Dane Cook they love to pick a fight about why I don't like him.

Me: I just don't think he's that funny.

Fan: Whatever man he's hilarious.

Me: I don't think he is hilarious at all. He's just loud to me sometimes.

Fan: You don't like him because he is famous.

Me: No I DON'T! I just like other comedians better. Their material is stronger.

Fan: Psh. Fuck you. (Fan sticks up super finger)

Fuck me for having an opinion and listening to other comics. Geez.

2- No punchlines
Set them up, Knock them down. Set them up knock it down. That's the basic formula of a joke. Setup, and then a punchline. But watch Dane Cook's stand up material and you will see something bizarre. There are hardly any punchlines. Where there should be a joke, there is a noise, or a funny face. Where is the joke? There is no joke. Dane Cook is the master of manipulation. He would of made a great cheerleader in high school. In terms of energy I have never seen anyone control a crowd so effectively. But in terms of telling a joke he falls flat. If you drank a shot of liquor for every punchline uttered from Dane Cook, it would take you three comedy specials to get drunk. Believe me, I tried.

1- No relevance or longevity
Two comedians before Cook have achieved his level of success. Steve Martin and Richard Pryor have both played to thousands of people but their material pushed boundaries in comedy. Pryor engaged both white and black audiences discussing race relations and his own troubled personal life. Martin created a stage character that was wild and wacky but was also inventive and personable. And after realizing the price of fame can be a disaster, Martin wrote and starred in a catalog of films that are now classics. Cook? Well, that's the thing. In terms of being a comic the only thing to learn from him is that you can create a franchise and sell t-shirts. Fifty years from now Pryor's material will still be valuable by touching on universal themes, while jokes about Burger King may not. Only time can tell.

Blogger's Note: I have definitely locked horns with these Dane Cook "Superfans". It's never a pleasant encounter.

The Right Man For The Job

(from The Hollywood Reporter)

Guillermo del Toro is in talks to direct back-to-back installments of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit," which is being co-financed by New Line and MGM.

Del Toro's name was on a short list of directors who could tackle the project, one of the most anticipated literary adaptations of the past decade. An ill-chosen director for "Hobbit" could put billions of dollars at stake for New Line and MGM and could turn off an audience that encompasses millions of passionate readers, Tolkien fans and obsessive geeks.

Few filmmakers have the cachet that del Toro has, as well as a deep love for the source material, an assured grasp of fantasy filmmaking and an understanding and command of geek culture as well as its respect. Del Toro has built that goodwill through such films as the Oscar-nominated "Pan's Labyrinth," "Hellboy," "Blade 2" (which was made by New Line) and "The Devil's Backbone."

For New Line, making "Hobbit" had become a priority in the wake of its billion-dollar success of the Oscar-winning "The Lord of the Rings" movies, which were co-written and directed by Peter Jackson. Jackson wanted to adapt "Hobbit," but when he got into a dispute with the studio over profit participation, the project went into limbo; neither New Line nor MGM, both rights-holders to the film, wanted to risk alienating fans of the trilogy by making an adaptation that didn't have Jackson's involvement.

The December resolution of the Jackson suit, facilitated by MGM CEO Harry Sloan, paved the way for "Hobbit" to get back on the road to the screen. However, because of other commitments that included "The Lovely Bones" and "Tintin," Jackson could not take on writing and directing roles, opting instead to become an executive producer with approval over creative elements of the pair of films.

Because of the strike, no writer has been hired to adapt Tolkien's children's classic, though that process will be fast-tracked once it's resolved. Del Toro and Jackson will oversee "Hobbit's" writing.

Principal photography for the films, which will be shot simultaneously, is tentatively set for 2009. The production budget is estimated at $150 million per film. The release of the first film is slated for 2010 and the second in 2011.

Blogger's Note: Del Toro would absolutely be my #1 choice as a replacement for Peter Jackson. Assuming Ian McKellen is still on onboard, this should pan out nicely.

Torrey's Bullet Point Review Of There Will Be Blood

• Daniel Day-Lewis has the Best Actor Oscar in the bag. His performance is simply hypnotic. Paul Dano impressed as well.
• I liked the fact that, unlike PT Anderson's previous works, TWBB didn't feature an all-star cast. I think the fact that it was filled with mostly unknowns helped sell its authenticity as a period piece. There were no moments of, "Hey, there's William H. Macy playing a train conductor!"
• Absolutely perfect score that fits the film beautifully and adds a great deal to the overall presentation. I'm always amazed and delighted when a film's score elevates it to something greater. Star Wars would be a prime example of that.
• I suppose not everyone will be satisfied with the film's ending. I dug it.
• I need to see it again to be sure, but this may be PT's greatest film. I think it's certainly his most focused work to date.
  
  Torrey's Opinion:
  Recommended
  
  Random Related Fact:
  In an interview on the National Public Radio program "Fresh Air with Terry Gross," Paul Dano told Gross that he had originally been cast in the much smaller role of Paul Sunday, Eli's brother, and another actor had been cast as Eli. However, after Paul Dano had already started filming his one scene as Paul Sunday, Paul Thomas Anderson decided to replace the actor playing Eli. Anderson then asked Dano to play Eli Sunday (a much bigger role) as well as Paul Sunday, and they decided to change the film to make the brothers identical twins. Anderson asked Dano to play Eli on a Thursday, and filming for the role began four days later, on the next Monday. Daniel Day-Lewis, by contrast, had a whole year to prepare to play Daniel Plainview.

Fun With Jesus

Banner's Follies

Kevin Koster, the Assistant Director for the show JAG, compiled a list of every single catalyst that caused David Banner to "Hulk Out" in the old Incredible Hulk series. Here are some of my favs...

• Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him
• Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire so that burning branches keep falling on him and setting him on fire, and a giant, burning tree falls directly on him as the last straw
• Quicksand
• Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, "Oh. I just gave you a lethal injection. Sorry, David."
• Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator
• Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth ("I DON'T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!")
• Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn't understand words like "You've GOT to cut me loose!"
• Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he's a thief, and who don't believe him when he says "Hey! There are rats in here!", and then being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult
• Being trapped inside a football stadium drunk tank while his friend is in danger, and THEN having one of the drunks hit him over the head with a metal object
• Receiving a speeding ticket
• Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - "You don't understand, I have to be there by 4:00!" - "Hey, mac, it's rush hour, we ain't gettin' there til five, so relax." - "BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!"
• Being pushed out of a plane at 30,000 feet by a mean guy who yells “You’re gonna land a lot sooner than the rest of us!”
• Being stuck in the police department's voice mail system when he knows his friend is about to be the next lobotomy subject, only to have the police finally pick up the phone after he's turning into the Hulk

You can see the complete list here. Thanks to Greg for sharing this.

Helpful Tips For Future Parents

Poor Form, Best Buy

The guy killed himself two days ago. That is just tasteless.

My Bullet Point Review Of Cloverfield

(I always try to be vague in these reviews so as not to spoil plot points for anyone. Cloverfield is going to be a significant challenge so I apologize if these points are even more vague than usual.)

• Every so often a movie comes along that is more than a movie, it's an experience. Cloverfield definitely qualifies as such.
• Smatterings of brilliance sprinkled throughout. Several moments that will have you awestruck.
• Very intense and very emotional. This is a movie that sticks with you long after you leave the theatre.
• The fact that a large-scale movie with loads of special effects and very credible actors can be made for around $25 million really shines a light on how grossly over-paid many of Hollywood's "talents" are.
• If you are prone to motion sickness, better take some Dramamine ahead of time.
• Because the film is so incredibly realistic, I found that certain questionable plot points really stood out to me, more so than they probably would have in other movies. They served as unwanted reminders that this was a Hollywood blockbuster after all, despite the filmmakers trying their darnedest to convince me otherwise. It's really too bad because Cloverfield came damn close to perfection in my book.
  
  TORREY'S OPINION:
  Recommended
  
  RANDOM RELATED FACT:
  The title "Cloverfield"; initially just a codename for the movie, is named for the boulevard in Santa Monica where the Bad Robot offices were located during the making of the film.

A Super Bowl Party I Would Actually Attend

A Masterpiece From The 8-Bit Era

I don't know art but I know what I like.

If Looks Could Kill

This pic was taken today at a Martin Luther King, Jr. Day event Bush was attending.

The Internet Party

Bryan also linked me to this very clever video made by some folks at cracked.com. Click the pic to get things rolling.

Crazy Lady At A Coffee Shop

(Thanks to Bryan for linking me to this wacky vid)

My Bullet Point Reviews Of No Country For Old Men, Juno, And I Am Legend

I caught a few flicks recently and it's time to play catch-up on reviews.


No Country For Old Men

• Probably my favorite Coen Bros movie since Fargo.
• As with all Coen Bros flicks, fantastic casting.
• Tommy Lee Jones restoring some dignity in the role he was born to play.
• The pacing and tone of the film many turn off some folks. They have my pity.

TORREY'S OPINION:
Recommended

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
Contrary to most successful films made from books, much of the film's action is taken word for word from Cormac McCarthy's novel and to boot occurs in the same order of events. Bell's final speech in the film, for instance, can be read on the final page of the book.


Juno

• Superb casting, top to bottom.
• Juno has a quirky sense of humor but manages to remain accessible to a general audience. I'd watch it with my Mom.
• The soundtrack fits like a glove.
• I wouldn't want to know the person who doesn't take away some measure of joy from this film.

TORREY'S OPINION:
Strongly Recommended

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
The hamburger phone in the movie is owned by the writer, Diablo Cody.


I Am Legend

• Will Smith is great in it.
• There were moments of brilliance scattered throughout. I really enjoyed the parts that dealt with feelings of solitude and longing for human contact.
• The last half hour feels very rushed. A lot of things happen out of convenience.
• I have made the comment to some that I think the premise would work much better as a three season run on the Sci-Fi Channel.

TORREY'S OPINION:
A Mixed Bag

RANDOM RELATED FACT:
All of the paintings in Dr. Neville's house were taken from the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

American Psycho: The Romantic Comedy

EW's 25 Best Sci-Fi Movies & Shows Of The Past 25 Years

25. V: The Miniseries (1983)
24. Galaxy Quest (1999)
23. Doctor Who (1963-Present)
22. Quantum Leap (1989-1993)
21. Futurama (1999-2003)
20. Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003-2005)
19. Starship Troopers (1997)
18. Heroes (2006-Present)
17. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
16. Total Recall (1990)
15. Firefly/Serenity (2002/2005)
14. Children of Men (2006)
13. The Terminator/Terminator 2 (1984/1991)
12. Back to the Future (1985)
11. LOST (2004-Present)
10. The Thing (1982)
09. Aliens (1986)
08. Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)
07. E.T. (1982)
06. Brazil (1985)
05. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
04. The X-Files (1993-2002)
03. Blade Runner (1982)
02. Battlestar Galactica (2003-Present)
01. The Matrix (1999)

I often think Entertainment Weekly is a crock of shit, but they've actually put together a darn fine list of great sci-fi. Sure we could haggle about the ordering until the cows come home, but there's a lot to love here. Anyone have any write-ins?

The Science Of Smith

Pod People, I Turn To You In My Hour Of Need

So, I want to get some sort of transmitter for my iPod to use in the car but I'm having a pickle of a time finding something of good quality. Ideally I'd like a hookup that kept the player charged while in use but my biggest concern is sound quality. Before I continue this vicious cycle of trial and return I figured I would turn to you iPod-owning folks to find out what is working for you in your automobiles. Please comment any suggestions; I'll greatly appreciate the help.

Eating A Banana La-La-La

I share with you now an original poem written for me today by Jeremy Snell:

I eat a banana
When my tummy rumbles.
The long yellow fruit
Helps my mind not stumble.

It tastes like a rainbow
When I lick it high to low.
And it tickles my nose
When wrapped in pantyhose.

I eat a banana
But not for an entire feast.
They help me see in the dark
Like a man-cat beast!