If You Spell Chuck Norris In Scrabble, You Win. Forever.

In honor of Cookie, I present the Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts according to some website I stumbled upon that seemed to be an authority on the subject.

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
8. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
9. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
10. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

And some of my personal favorites:

• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
• James Cameron originally wanted Chuck Norris to play The Terminator. Upon reflection, however, James realized he would then be filming a documentary.
• Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one roundhouse kick to the face.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

And one that Cookie sent to me via text message today while I was at work:
Chuck Norris takes a baseball bat into the can in case he craps out a wildcat and has to beat it to death.