23 Rules Of Boozing That Apply To Us All

1. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
2. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
3. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
4. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
5. Never, ever tell a bartender he/she made your drink too strong.
6. If the bartender makes it too weak, order a double next time. He/she will get the message.
7. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
8. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
9. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
10. It is only permissible to shout, "Woo-Hoo!" if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
11. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
12. If you owe someone 20 dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
13. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
14. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
15. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is 50 percent better looking.
16. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
17. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
18. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
19. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
20. Anyone with three or more drinks in their hands has the right of way.
21. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
22. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.
23. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.