Are You Ready?

You probably know that the goverment put together an oh-so-helpful website called ready.gov that's meant to help us prepare for immenant terrorist attacks. The site offers about as much assistance as the 'duck and cover' lessons of the 1950s. Below you'll find some icons from the site that I decided to offer interpretations for.



In the event that you've been set on fire, do not run. Stay in one place so the fire department can find you.












If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. Or if you're Vin Diesel, just yell.












If you spot a terrorism indicator, pin it up against the wall with your shoulder until the authorities arrive.












If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, take a moment to consider a cool tattoo design.












Use a flashlight to lift fallen debris right off you!












Take a moment to think about how hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo might support terrorism.












If you come across a locked exit, karate chop the three precise points indicated.












A one-inch piece of plexi-glass should be sufficient protection against radiation.












Exposure to radiation may result in unexpected growth, not unlike that of a mutant or The Hulk.












If someone is playing the new Backstreet Boys album, either cower in the corner or run out of earshot as fast as you can.












If you lose a contact during an emergency, do not stop to look for it. Simply roll away.









When preparing a bomb shelter, be sure to stock it with plenty of non-perishable food items like fresh apples.